The Western Barber from Topeka, Kansas • 7

THE WESTERN BARBER. NAPOLEON LEBLANCS CATECHISM OF THE BARBEE COLLEGE. Q. What is a Barber College? A. A fake institution.

Q. Why do you call it fake? A. Because it is nothing but a poor room fitted up with the cheapest kind of old rusty barber furniture and managed by a cheap guy, who is a failure as a barber, and styles himself "Professor, and with the misuse of the word "College he catches the also lay themselves liable of prosecution for mutilation of insects. (j. What is the principal part of a students work? A.

To mend punctures, paste on pieces of nose, cars and lips. Q. What is a puncture? A. A small cut not exceeding three inches in length and the depth of the bone. Should the student be held liable for shorten-ing his victims nose, reducing his ears and trimming his lips? A.

No, the victim should provide himself with a face protector, containing ears, nose and lip guards. Q. When is a student entitled to his diploma? A. As soon as his money gives out and cant pay for another weeks tuition, then the "professor informs him that he is a full Hedged graduate and that he can take a job, but he omits to tell him that he cant hold the job. O.

Do 1 understand that a graduate of the school of barbarism cant hold a job? A. Oh, yes; he might hold a job in a slaughter house, as he is now hardened to seeing the blood run. O. What becomes of the woman student? A. She opens a cheap joint and does a great deal of all-around pulling and hard scraping for a living.

Next! A college student was heard to say as he finished shaving the face of a patron "Sir, as I have worked so long and hard I think you might pay me 15 cents for this shave. The patron replied, Yes, I will pay you 15 cents for this shave, but I would not have another like it for 25ccnts. L. E. Son.

unwary. O. What should he the proper name for such an institution? A. A school of barbarism. O.

Arc such "colleges unionized? A. No; they are scab-ized; professor, students, patrons and all. Who arc barber college students? rV A. Ex-dishwashers and young men, who are too clumsy to make a success at almost anything, and so ignorant as to he led by glaring advertisements to believe that ihose tiretending professors have the magical ability to brighten the intellects and to teach them as much in six or eight weeks as should be expected from bright, intelligent men, after having served a three-year apprenticeship in good barber shops under the tuition of a first-class barber and with the advantages of observation and pointers from other good barbers in the same shop. Q.

Who patronizes the school of barbarism? A. Hoboes, bums and tramps. Q. What does the "professor require of the student? A. First, to sign a one-sided contract, binding only the student, then to purchase a poor kit of tools from the college and pay twice as much as a good kit can be purchased for, at a barber supply house.

0. What is the most important adjunct to the students kit? A. A stick of solder, surgeons needles and court plaster. O. How do students begin their studies? A.

By catching a hobo and swashing the lather over his face as clumsily as though lie was applying a whitewash brush to the side of a barn, and see how much lather a hoboes and mouth will hold. Q. How docs the student perform the shaving operation? A. By pulling, tearing and sweating until he is tired and his victims face looks like a checker board. O.

What is the proper name for a college shave? TRADE CONDITIONS. (By L. Edwards Son.) Jn September we had the pleasure of making business calls in barber shops from Georgia to Oregon. On this trip we called on a number of very fine and prosperous shops, and we also struck some of the very lowest grade on earth, and we find that the barbers in the northwestern section aremuchmorepros-perous, as a rule, than are they in the south and east. Occasionally we find in the south a white barber shop that is well furnished and up to date in every respect.

Such barbers are accumulating and building up their business and respect for our craft; but most of the southern barbers are negroes, and we often found them sitting asleep with their heads hanging over their shoulders, and we took special notice that in this class of shops the walls and floors were decorated with cobwebs, dirt, cuds of tobacco, stubs of cigars and every other kind of filth that we could think of, and, of course, cheap fixtures and tools were all the go in such dives. If this kind of shops do not call for the license law and all other kind of restrictions of law we will take a A- A torture. O. How does he proceed to cut hair? A. This is a hazardous and difficult undertaking, which requires much skill, to be performed on the class of people who patronize the college.

0. Why is it hazardous and difficult? A. Because the students are frequently attacked by the inhabitants of their victims heads, and they.