The Play-Goer from Junction City, Kansas • 8

Acme of Assurance From the Chicago Post. "Is he conceited?" "Conceited! Why, he actually thinks he understands women." Looked Ahead From the Brooklyn Life. He "If you didn't love me, why did you marry me?" She "Because you were the only man I cared to be divorced from." Book Postponed Fron Judge. How's your new book coming along?" "Oh, I haven't begun it yet," "What's the matter?" I am busy supplying publishers with press notices explaining how I came to think of the title." The Clouds of Doubt From the Washington Star. "He has told me that he loved me," said the fair girl, "but I don't know whether to marry him or not." I am sure he does his best to tell the truth.

But, you see, he works in the weather bureau." The Ingredients. From the Baltimore American. "What did you find on that vessel which washed ashore this morning?" asked the cannibal king of his chief. "Only a shipwrecked shoemaker and a case of sherry, sire." "'Tis well, slave. Make me a sherry cobbler for dinner.

I have often heard of such a delicacy." An Intelligent Table Girl. From an Exchange. Traveler (to waitress) "What have you for dinner to-day?" Waitress "Bakedshadfricaseedchick-enpotatoepuffstuffedtomatoesicecream-berrypieteaandcoffee." Traveler Give me the first, third, and last two syllables, reserving the others. Some Live There. From the Washington Post.

The Reubens don't always come to town. Some of them are born there. A Chicago man purchased the Masonic building for $12,000 the other day and paped $400 on account to the obliging stranger who offered him the rare bargain. Moral: A residence in Chicago dosen't necessarily mean freedom from chumpness. The comfort of a stove that is everything that it ought to be, that gives heat and nothing but heat, that does not leak dust and ashes into the room, is worth almost any cost.

The Round Oak Stove. (Made by Beckwith, Dowagiac which has all of these good qualities and many more, costs no more than other stoves not so good. It is the best solution of the heating problem yet devised. It burns hard coal, soft coal or wood with eqlisll cheerfulness. The doors are ground on and the aslrpit is made in one piece.

It simply cannot leak. The Grentner Hardware Company Ben Jonson's Prophesy. From the Baltimore American. "If music be the food of love, play on," said Shakespeare, quotiug from himself to a crowd of cronies at the sign of the Blue Goose with the Glass Eye. "Yes, play on," growled rare Ben Johnson.

"But wait until the hand organ is invented and see how much amorous indigestion is occasioned thereby." Poor Chumpleigh From the Philadeldhia Press. "Why, pa, this is roast beef, exclaimed little Willie at dinner on the evening when Mr. Chumpleigh was present as the guest of honor. "Of course," said the father, "what of that?" "Why, you told ma this morning that you were going to bring a 'mutton head' home for dinner this evening.".