The Evening News from Salina, Kansas • 2

tVllV TMmT mnrnir A STREET-CAR ROMANCE. PERSONAL AND LITERARY, earth was I to get over her father's Insnperablo objection? How was I to cease to be a Philistine? It is difficult to become a professional after you are elght-and-twenty; and I oould not very well black my face and turn negro minstrel. "I an. rather fond of dry reading; I A CLEVER ATTORNEY. Hew II Becureil an Acquittal for Hll Client Ag-alnst Great OdiU.

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FmoKBAlD, Att'y at Law, 800 Washiugton, IX. 0. he Accidental Discovery of an Observant Passenger. A man who weaves romances cut of the commonest threads said this! "I boarded a Madison avenue car on its way up town, and, dropping down In the corner near the door, began to study types. The first thing I discovered was mat the conductor was a man of Intel llgence and refinement although he looked very rousrh.

Ills hands at once attracted my attention as he placed the cnange oi a dollar into mv milm. Thev weren't clean how could they be? but they were shiiDelv and delicate the hands of a young man who had never worKea nam at anyth'ng. My curiosity was now awakened, and. beckoninir him to me. I asked a Question relative to the departure of the trains from the urana tcntral station.

He made reply in a well-worded phrase, pronunciation and modulation faultless. I now becran to study his face. I could see that it was singularly manly and handsome, although marred by a stubby beard and darkened by dust and exnosure. I began to be deeply interested in my unignt oi tne bell-pull and had carefully noted his number, when, at the Twenty-third street corner, as alware happens, a crowd of homewiid-bound shoppers and idlers, all women, pushed their way into the car. It was more than full; it was packed.

In front of me stood a charming little girl of eighteen or twenty, in a pale green cloth costume, beautifully braided, the Medici collar of the Louis XVI. coat framing a face of rare beauty. Imagine my surprise, nay, horror yes, more, my disgust my everything to notice that my hero, in handing the change to this dainty girl, deliberately took hold of her hand and pressed it for an Instant in his, with an almost convulsive grip, and then to see the girl's big brown eyes turned up and fixed upon this young man's face. thought 'here's love play-ing fantastic tricks! Fie, for shame! Cupid ringing up fares on a New York street car, shoutin" out: "Come. now.

step lively," or "Move up in front!" "But' in a few moments I had reasoned it out to my own satisfaction, any way. Of course this young man is not a New Yorker, but the girl is. ne met her in some other city, when his family had plenty of money. Suddenly his father fails and the young man comes to New York to go into business, and be near the girl he loves. Only college bred, no good for a banking or commercial house, he goes down, down, and finally becomes a street-car conductor.

The old love in this young heart is still faithfnl to him, however, and takes a ride occasionally on his car in order to get a look and a pressure of the hand. "It's very hard to be a street-car conductor and be in love with a girl who lives in a palace on the line of your road, but it has its compensations. Her family would rjver suspect that the conductor meant anything when he looked up at the girl's window as his car went rumbling by, and then she can, by waiting for his car, often be during the day quite alone with him. Indeed, it's quite romantic. He may even deadhead her over the line if he happens to be quite sure that the terrible spotter is not hidden behind a paper in the corner of the car.

I sincerely hope that the yonng man got the girl at the end of the route. I mean in the end that is, in the long run." N. Y. sun. TAKE A LITTLE REST.

Systematic Methods Make This Possible Even to Busy Mothers. Good mother, maker of numerous pies, mender of numerous hose, overseer of a great province a household-rest a little. Have a chair by the stove, and when you peep into the oven, sit while you look, yea, even a moment after; you will work all the faster for the short change of posture. While mending have your chair in the coziest corner, where good light will come in, and let the sun strike upon you if possible, so that you may get the strengthening health giving Influence of it. Drop your hands occasionally and let them rest Let your eye wander out through the window glass as far as possible and rest your eyes by looking at something interesting out of doors.

Don't rule all the time. Drop the reins of household government for a little while, unbend yourself and sit down on the rug and play with the children, and, as it were, become again a child. Economize your strength. Sit when you can. Do not hold the baby when it can rest and grow just as well in its crib.

By cresting when you" can, by planning the work to be done, and by being systematic and orderly in all things, a woman's work at home is more easily done. Living issues. INITIATED THE HOTEL CLERK. Ha Wanted Quarter liut Was Satisfied With Nickels. ne was such a looking man as might easily be expected to be able to put up at a respectable second-class Jiotel, and when he went into one down town the oJerk met him pleasantly.

"Have you any quarters here you could accommodate a man with at this time of night?" he inquired, as he laid a paper bundle on the counter and reached for the register. "I regret to say, sir," said the clerk, "that we hove not. The house is full." The visitor turned half away, then stopped and thrummed on the counter for a second, thoughtfully. "No quarters," he said, as if speaking to himself. "That's bad, and every place else shut up." "Yes, it is," sympathized the clerk; "but we can't help it We haven't got any." "So I understood you; but say, old man," he said, bending over the counter, "if you've got no quarters mebbe you've got a couple of nickels.

They'll do to tide me over a drought." It worked and he went but pleasantly, almost oheorf ally Dot roit Fre Press, The queen's head piper, William boss, died a few weeks aeo In Windsor. aged sixty-nine. He had piped for her majesty since 1854. John Loudon Macadam, the in ventor of the road that bears his name, labored for years to perfect his ideas, and although the Enirlish Darliament voted him $30,000 it hardly covered hll ouuay. "ills monument is the roads of Lngland." George William Curtis grace-folly saya of Holmes: "For juBt sixty years, since his first gay and tender note was heard, Holmes has been fulfilling the promise of his matin song.

He has become a patriarch of our literature, and ail his countrymen are his lovers." Prof. W. Clarke Robinson, of Ken- yon college, who recently wrote a text-book on "Anglon-Saxon Litera ture," has gone to Europe with the MS of his translation of Prof. B. Ten Brink's "History of English Litera ture," to have it revised by the author in atratburg.

A new "four generation" photo graph will soon be on exhibition in the British shop windows. There will lie first the empress-queen, then the little lie baby, and on each side, looking exactly like sisters with less than a year's difference between them, will pose the Princess Alexandra of Wales and the duchess of Fife. Seth Abbott the father of the late Emina Abbott has been forced to as sign at Minneapolis because of real es tate entanglement He says his real estate was worth fifty thousand dol lars three or four years ago, but to-day it will not bring more than the in cumberance upon it mortgages to the amount of eleven thousand dollars. One of Pittsburgh's distinguished residents is an African prince of royal blood, the heir to the throne of the Ga tribe on the gold coast He is a fine-looking man of thirty-eight, with a coal-black skin, and is known to civili zation as F. Z.

S. Peregrino. By pro fession he fs a tailor, and he has no longing to return to the barbaric splen dor of his ancestor. Some one gives the following as the nicknames of certain authors: Emer son The Sphinx. Schiller The Republican Poet Goethe The Poet of Pantheism.

Shelley The Eternal Child. Keats The Resurrectionized Greek. Byron The Poet of Passion. Moore The Butterfly. Jeremy Taylor The Shakespeare of Divines.

Coleridge The Insulated Son of Reverie. Bunyan Sponsor of the People. Shakespeare The Myriad-Minded. Ben Jonson The Divine Bully of the Old English Parnassus. Spenser The Poets Pnet Chancer The Well of English Undefiled, or the Morning Star of English Poetry.

Caedmon The Milton of the Forefathers. HUMOROUS. 'Tween Grfrrs and Grunts. Mrs. Laffagen "Reaching after the unat tainable, dear?" Mr.

Laffagen "It appears so. I cant seem to reach the end of the broken suspender under the back of my waistcoat." "What is the- matter with me, doe-tor?" the patient asked in despairing tone. "Matter with you, man?" was the doctor's cherry reply. "Matter with you, do you say? Why, man, you're sick." Somerville Journal. The country bey erled to the boy from town, "Don't you en-vy my health and my skin so brown? I get tanned by ho-sum a through meadow I ronm, And al9o by mother when I got home." Washington Post His Proud Father (showing off his boy before company) "My son, which would you rather be, Shakespeare or Edison?" Little Son (after meditation) 'Tri! rather be Edison." Fond Father "Yes? Why?" Little Son "Cause he afot't dead." Not Her Fault "Mary," said her mother, "you'll have to make that Mr.

Golosh leave earlier. "It's not my fault, mamma." "Not your fault? Didn't I hear yotr last night at the front door sayr "Stop half a dozen times? If he wanted to go, why did you want to stop him?" A Surprise. Widower (to his daughter, aged ten) "Dora, do you know that Susanna, our housekeeper, is going to be married?" Dora "Oh, I'm so glad we are getting rid of the old pelican. Won't it bo jolly! But who is going marry her?" Father "Well, I am!" Mainzer Tageblatt. A Thoughtful Spouse.

"I've a great notion to go and jump into the river," said Mr. N. Peck at the end of a little domestic discussion, as he picked up his hat and started out. "You come right back here," said his wife. "If yon intend any such tricks as that, just march upstairs and put on your old clothes before you start" Indianapolis Journal.

Let Him Down Easy. "Well, did yon get the money from Short?" "No," answered the collector, "but he made his refusal pleasanter than I expected. "Pleasant! What do you mean?" "Why, he was careful enough to have a nice thick rug on the floor, so that when he threw me down stairs I fell on the rug, and didn't break my neck, as he intended." Philadelphia Times. The other day a visitor entered the public library and passed some time in looking at the list of new books. Then he went to the counter and in a few moments the librarian stepped along to attend his wants.

Some time was passed in inquiring about the latest when he suddenly asked: "Have you any late books by Charles Dickens?" Bangor Commercial. One of Us. Miss Oldmayde "You wretched man, how could you break into my house at midnight and carry away all the silver we have cherished in the family for so many years?" Burglar "Well, you see, mum, I'm col-lectin' souvenir spoons." Miss Oldmayde "Let him go, officer, right away! And so you, too, are collecting spoons, my man? That puts a different aspect on affairs. I am something of a spoon enthusiast myself." Somerville Journal, -A. Villain's Btory of How Ho Won a Wife.

III sv a ome men achieve villainy, others have villainy thrust upon them. I belong to the last category." He didn't seem the least bitlikeavlllain. He was stout; villains are supposed to liave a lean and hungry look. And at that moment Bobby, his youngest little boy, presonted him with a sticky pear-drop, which he ate. Who ever heard of a villain eating pear-drops? AVe were next-door neighbors; we were both fond of gardening, and, there was a good deal of innocent rivalry be tween us.

lie was something in the city; so was we always went to town by the same train, generally in the same carriage, and we were both first-class season-ticket holders t-hat in itself was a guaranty of respectability. Still, he said he was a villain. "Good gracious!" I thought; "I hope he isn't going to confide in me." "Yes," he said; "I obtained my wife iby a piece of designing villainy. I i should like to tell you about It" I was sitting in this villain's gar den, on this villains garden-seat, i smoking one of this villain's cl-; gars (which wasn't at all villainous), and Bobby, aged three, had. retired.

We were alone, and I was in for it I crossed my arms upon my chest, as I have seen persons do in my position upon tha stage. "Oo on," I said, with a melancholy smile; "your story interests me much." "You are probably not aware that wife, Carlotta, is the daughter of eminent flautist" "I beg your pardon?" I said. "Flautist," he repeated "flute-play- er, you know." The fellow didn't look a bit ashamed at the fact of the mother of his children being the daughter of a professional musician. Now, my wife's lather was an indigo broker, and there is something very gentlemanly about indigo. "Yes," he continued, "my was the celebrated Tremolo.

You've heard of Tremolo everybody's 'heard of Tremolo. Tremolo, sir," he added, proudly, "was without a rival unui inner came upon tiie scene, and he killed Triller in three years. My father-in-law, sir, measured fifty-two Inches round the chest; he caused spe- xial music to be written for him whiMi that puny wretch Triller attempted to render. You have heard the fable of the frog and the bull. Triller was just -frnir nnrl Yia Vtnief anA mv fad.ati.

in-law, the great Tremolo, went to his funeral. I met my present wife at a little dance in the suburbs. I fell violently in love with her, and I wasn't a bit awed when I was told that she was LlVe got a decent business, I said. I was earning six hundred pounds a year at that time, my dear fellow, and I had saved a little money. Why on earth shouldn't I marry Tremolo's daughter? I didn't know that I was a Philistine, jrou see? Signor Tremolo divided the world into two classes professional people and Philistines.

Now the lady at whose house I had met my Carlotta, though she knew Miss Tremolo well enough to ask her to her little dance, -was either unwilling or unable to give me a formal introduction to the young lady's papa; but I was not to be balked. take I said to myself, 'and to know him that So I bought a flute, and I knocked boldly at Signor Tremolo's door and demanded an audience. He was awfully civil, and he was greatly astonished when I told him that I wanted to have some lessons. 'I shall be delighted, young he said; 'how many years have you been working at the TREMOLO SPRANG TO II IS FEET. 'To tell the truth, Sig.

I answered, airily, 'learning the Bute is just a little whim of mine. I only tried once, and then I. couldn't get it to make a "Never in my life had I seen a man pet into such an awful rage all at once. Sig. Tremolo sprang to his feet and turned purple.

'Wretch, brute, animal, Philistine, dog, beast, he ishrieked, and then he clutched at his collar as though he were going tp have a fit. 'And you come to me to me, 'Tremolo! to teach you the rudiments! iet out of my place, you insolent "1 thought it best to make a clean of the whole matter at once. "Sig. I said; I beg that you will excuse me. I love your daughter to distraction; the lessons that i asked you to give me were a mere I5ut that only made him worse.

'Phillfctinel' he cried in an awful voice, as he flung the door wide open; 'gol' He wouldn't even give me time to tell him about ray six hundred a "Per three months I was perfectly miserable; I had no opportunity of vjaecting Carlotta and how on like a book which is, so to say, carian to the general. I was reading 'Wugs-by'g Physiology' one day the section on mental impressions. This was what I read: 'The more mention of a favorite article of food will often make the mouth twitch involuntarily. This pe culiar phenomenon is often observod in an exaggerated degree at the sight of a very acid fruit as the lemon. These obscure etc.

The idea the fiendish idea came to mo in an instant; I became a designing villain in the twinkling of an eye. 'I will become an evil genius to Signor I thought; 'I will becomo to him as the Old Man of the Sea. No more shall he delight the public When I see his name billed for a concert in the usual manner: Tub Flutk Oumoato, Sig nob Tremolo, I will be there with my lemon, and 1 will produce obscure I had not long to wait "St. James' Ham. Selections from 'II Fdauto Sor.o on the Flute, Signor Tremolo.

"I paid twenty-one shillings for a front-row seat I took care that my victim should perceive me from the very first I went throngh the various musical torments that are only appreciated by the elect; then came the selection from '11 Flauto Signor Tremolo stepped out to the very front of the center of the platform. Thero was a great burst of applause as Car-lotta's father drew down his great wristbands and made his bow; then I coughed loudly to attract his attention. he shook his fist at me. and I succeeded in doing so. After the orchestra had played several bars, the solo commenced.

You have heard Tremolo play; I need not describe it. You might have heard a pin fall, the public was so attentive. He reminded me of nothing so much as a human thrush. What gurgles, warbles, and bubbling trills of melody that man produced! Every one every one except the villain in the front row (I mean myself) sat entranced. I coughed sud denly and succeeded in catching my victim's eye.

I produced a lemon and applied it to my mouth. Suddenly the unhappy maatro ceased to produce deli-clous melody; he made just that noise a gas-machine does when it is short of water; then he turned all colors of the rainbow; he seemed to be trying to swallow his own tongue. He shook his fist furiously at me, seized his bushy professional locks with bpth hands, dropped his flute, appeared to be attempting to pull his hair out by the roots, and then rushed from the plat form without a word. "I hurried from the concert room; but before I could get out somebody made an apology for Signor Tremolo on the ground of sudden illness. That night Signor Tremolo sent for me.

I found him in bed. 'Have you no mercy, young he said, in a hollow voice. 'You can't expect any mercy from a I replied, airily. "'lhen he groaned. 'I am a ruined he said, Then he began to cry.

A middle-aged Italian, weeping bitter ly, is not a pleasant object 'How much do you he said, as ho wiped his streaming eyes. 'Old I said, 'your professional career is over. Whenever you appear in public, I will bo there, armed with Here I produced my lemon. As I did so, Signor Tremolo's head disappeared beneath the bedclothes. 'As a 1 continued, firmly 'as a I added, severely 'I have no sympathy with you, Signor Tremolo; but I have my "The flautist's head was instantly protruded.

'Name he said; 'name it, wretch! and it shall be 'Sig. 1 began, 'when I informed you of my affection for your daughter, you dismlr ed me with threats of personal violence; you may refuse to allow me to pay my addresses to your daughtr, but you cannot deprive me of my rights as a man. I adore the flute' then I gave a diabolical laugh I added, 'I'm desperately fond of "There is no more to add. I married Carlotta Tremolo four years ago. If it had not been for 'Wugsby's I should never have been allowed to pay my addresses to her.

It is awfully hot weather; shall we have a lemonade? I am very fond of lemons." Then ho laughed a great, hearty, good-humored laugh. I do not think my neighbor was Buch a villain after all, considering the circumstances. I accepted the lemonade. Curiosity impelled me to go to a promenade concert and try the lemon trick upon a popular flautist The popular flautist jumped off the platform at a single bound and offered to light me. Next day I had to buy a new hat St.

James' Gazette. A Lawyer's Retort; Bolton The courts are humbugs. It is Impossible to get justice in this country. Jlawley What's the matter? Has your wife lost her divorce suit? Judge. tne Tact that the bill In question was a counterfeit but to no purpose.

Finally, improving a favorable chance, Mr. lialdwln substituted a good bill for the counterfeit which genuine money Gen. Strickland then proved by three business men to be the rankest kind of counterfeit Thereupon Mr. Baldwin vehemently demanded that attention be given to his objections, and Judge Dundy Insisted that the district attorney send out for a bank cashier and an expert With great confidence (Sen. Strickland handed the expert the bill-after establishing his business and his experience in handling money and said: "State to the jury whether in your opinion that bill is good or bad." "That is a good bill, sir," returned the witness." "What!" shouted the attorney," "do you mean to say that bill is not a counterfeit?" "Yes, sir; if you will bring it down to the Omaha National bank, we will give you the gold for it" Then there was a scene, in the midst of which Mr.

Baldwin managed to ex plain to the court that he had changed bills without the knowledge of the dis trict attorney, and that, In view of the fact that three good business men had testified that a genuine bill was a counterfeit he thought considerable allowance should be made for his client an ignorant country boy in mistaking a counterfeit for a good bill. The jury were evidently impressed with the idea, for they returned a verdict of acquittal. Omaha Bee. UTILITY OF THE TELEPHONE. The Vait Amount of Labor and Expense It Save.

A vivid Idea of the extent to which the telephone takes the place of the "errand boy" of our forefathers was given a few days ago in Boston, says the Chicago News, when the representative ot the New England Telephone Co. stated before a legislative committee that the messages it handled would require the employment of ten thousand messenger boys if they had to be carried through the streets instead of over the wire. The average use of a telephone by the man in whose office it hangs and by his friends who don't pay anything for its use and who rail at the "telepho ne monopoly" in good set terms Is from six to twelve messages a day, Hence in a city like New York with nine or ten thousand subscribers the number of telephone messages will run up some days to seventy-five thousand. If ten of these were given to one boy as his day's work, as letters or telegrams for delivery, this would figure out not less than seventy-five hundred boys on active service. Thus it will be seen that the telephone man was not at all wide of the mark in his figures, and any Interruption of telephonic communication is now felt acutely in the sharp tax that it at once puts on the district-messenger system, which still remains an absolute necessity for many purposes, and is every year put to some new work.

The absence of it is one of the first things that strikes an American in London, and it puzzles him to understand the grounds on which it can be objected to, as it lately has been by the British postmaster-general. Chicago News. RATHER HARD TO SUIT. Ho Wanted to Make Sure He Was Not Being- Cheated. A man wearing a once glorious black cloth suit called in at a meat market in Englewood the other morning, inspected with a critical eye the hunks of meat hanging on the hooks, and asked: "What Is a cut of this loin worth?" "That is worth fifteen cents a pound," replied the man behind the chopping-block.

"H'm!" snorted the customer. "Got anything better?" "Yes. Here's a better cut at sixteen cents." "H'm! That the best you've got?" "Give you a choice cut of porterhouse oft this piece for eighteen cents. Best there is in the shop." "Sure?" "Sure." "What four pounds of it be worth with all the bone cut out and the fat and ligaments trimmed off clean?" "Fixed in that way it will cost you twenty-five cents a pound." "H'm!" The man looked at it severely, knii his brows, pursed up his mouth, inspected all the halves and quarters oi beef a second time with great care, and then said: "Haven't got a better cut In your Icebox waiting for some nob on Yale street?" "No, sir I tell you this piece is the best we've got in the shop." "It doesn't suit," said the customer, decidedly. "Give me five cents' worth of chuck steak." Chicago Tribune.

Hotter Late Than Never. Through the latticed window came the soft droning of countless insects, as Merriam, trilling slowly, rose from the piano stool and gazed wearily across the intervening marsh that separated her father's ancestral hall from Hobo-ken proper. "Why does he not come?" she muttered. "For three long years I have waited." Just then a step was heard on the gravel outside and a young man's face appeared in the door. With a glad cry, Merriam sprang into his arms.

'At last!" she sobbed. "My darling, why have you delayed so long?" Gently smoothing back the tresses from the pure young face upturned to his, he replied. "Do not agitate yourself, my darling. I merely stopped to bow on a button." Jury. The first agricultural exhibition was held at Georgetown, D.

la 1814 Abstracts! LYNN WILDER Havre complete set of abstracts to wnf lot or tract of land In Saline county, Karw (st. If you art making loan or telling lot or hrm, have your abstract mads hf IMA A WILDER, Room a.bber Block Bond ihi the turn of $5,000 filed and approved as-required law. JOE F. 0LL1NGER, Tropr.etor ot the John anil Job Barber Shop. Five first-class artists.

Rath room run In eoonoctioik. 117 tt. Santa Fa 8ALINA KANSAS. W. S.

HARVEY, M. D. (Metrics ait General Practice. Kstdonoe2M Seventh St. Tftl.

9. Office over Engl drug store. Tel. 40. SALIVA, KANSAS.

CHOICE CIGARS, Billiards and Pool. E. A. SCHWARTZ, at the old stand on NoMls Sautu Fs avenue. Trlexiciai are Znvltecl, A GOOD BARN.

YOU have a good barn kept by on South Santa Fe. A Brick Structure where horses maybe stabled and fed without exposure. Term Reasonable. JEWETj' JEWKTT, Santa Ft Salina, Kas. HH uu Each regular subscriber lo the ina Daily News may have onecopy of the Weekly News sent to out of town friends free to January i '92.

This applies to regular cash paying subscribers only. The Weekly News is worth 50 Cents a Year Address, NEWS, Salina, Kansas. Sal.