Gaylord Herald from Gaylord, Kansas • 6

LETTERS FK031 THE COItSEES. 11ACY CHAPTER ON JAGS. hair, but she cli.i not fliueh a hair's-breadth. There were heroes in those days and there were women. HERALD KrcK on Norms' TCat.Ii, Kilkenny CoitNiiiis.

takes it to the station. Then it gets sick, oh, so sick, nud its head hurts, and tho police judge depletes its Nobody pities it and nobody should. Even the bootblack shies stones at tho straight-whisky jag. The plain-whisky SWELLED HEADS THAT MAY IJE AC-QU1KKDIX JUM WAYS. EDITUK: AYill- ml, a fflsim Henerv coodn't LEW.

C. HEADLEY, Publisher GAYLOKD, KANSAS, yljhardly wate to git J'to Susan Janes mm when he heerd thay Means of Getting: Tliom Are Only Limiteil ly the Combination to Bo Sltute in Mixing Drinks The Straight Whisky Jag Is at the IJottoin of the Ladder and Champagne Jus at tl10 Top. wus a letter thaif Belya A. Lockwood has announced" fur him. "I hope it's frum the schoolmarm," ses he.

The Khedive is much in love with his wife, who wears a modern costume, while their children dress like Americans. The Khe.liveh, as she is called, has her harem, or women servants by scores. She is accompanied whenever she goes out to ride or drive by some of her numerous eunuchs, and she keeps up a big establishment separate from that of the King. Their love for each other and the example of the Khedive in having but one wife is catching, and many of the older noblo Arab gentlemen are following it. "AVhat d'ye think that she "will agaia run for President in 1892.

Boston Coebett, the slayer of John "Wilkes Booth, is in the Kansas insane asylum. According to the American AH Printer, there are 125,000 printers in the United States. d8 she'd write to sech an ole feller es you fur?" ses Sally. CCOKDING to AVebster, a jag is a small load; therefore one who has a jag carries a small load. That is.

if jou go strictly by the dictionary's definition. But modernized jags are of many kinds; some are weighty, and all are expensive. The meaning is so comprehensive that a OI3 UN.TOYS score or more of words and phrases in use twelve months ago have lapsed into innocuous desuetude. Now, no one says "Brown was loaded to-night," or "Biown got caught in a blizzard," or "Brown was full," or "Brown was leery," or "Brown was swamped." "Brown had a jag last night" is the modern expression hich you can qualify with any expressive adjective. "A cold jag" is good form, a "mixed jag" is in common use, and a o.

meaning "fine old jag," is the very latest," but At Tucamche, in Guatemala, the Troys in a school recently seized the master and hanged him in the school-house. The prices of camphor and gum promise to rise. The German government is making gigantic purchases of these articles for the manufacture of smokeless powder. Separation from his wife is sought for by a Chester, man. and he Lacks his claim for it by the statement that she danced for joy 'when he chopped his fingers off.

WHISKY STATGBT. But it want frum her, it wus from Ben, an here it is Deeb Paw an Maw Yure letter kim to hand yistady. an I wus aw.ul glad to git it. The rone heffer hed a cat las nite an she kin kick a chaw of tobacker out'n a tellers mouth 1 aster an more times then enny critter I ever seen. I rung the ole spotted sow an her 7 nigs an turned em out yestidy.

The school-marm is a bully good cook, an we hev big times; but I am a thin kin serusly of gittin a cook my own. I am a brakin tha sorrel colt; shes a daisy, an kin throw dust in to all thare eyes. Taw. whare in thunder did you put the axle greace? I kint lind it hye nor low. Dontyou think it is time to ween the rest the calves an the 2 colts? The school-marm is givin it to the wid-der in grate shape; she made a apple pie fur dinner thut wus jest boss; shes hard to beet, enny place you put her.

The bay mare sets kindy balky; hodnt I better sell her ef I kin The keerds air out fur the weddin at Perkins over on to Snider Crick. It's Nell an the doctors, an I shudn't wunder then the new preeeher wud take another one of cm. Mary Manner is a goin to stay tell after the woddin. Uedn't I better memire the south 40 pur-ty hevy fore I plow it; it's gittiug purty W'H run down. The school-marms gran-maw lies boon Mrs.

Kate Chase, presiding over her little family of young girls at Edgehill, near Washington, may not appear so brilliant, but she is certainly more interesting than when she was the gayest and most fascinating leader of "Washington society. She was ambitions of presiding over the White House, not that she ever expected her husband to be President of the United States, but- she thought it possible that her father's political career might fitly terminate by being elected to the highest position in the gift of the American people. Both the method and results -when Syrup of Figs is taken; it is pleasant and refreshing to the taste, and acts gently yet promptly on the Kidneys, Liver and Bowels, cleanses the system effectually, dispels colds, headaches and fevers and cures habitual constipation. Syrup of Figs is the only remedy of its kind ever produced, pleasing to the taste and acceptable to the stomach, prompt in its action and truly beneficial in its effects, prepared only from the most healthy and agreeable substances, its many excellent qualities commend it to all and have made it the most popular remedy known. Syrup of Figs is for sale in 50c and 81 bottles by all leading druggists.

Any reliable druggist who may not have it on hand will procure it promptly for any one who wishes to try it. Do not accept any substitute. CALIFORNIA FIG SYRUP CO, SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. LOUISVILLE. KY.

NEW YORK. N.Y. If jag is at the bottom of the ladder and the champagne jag at the top. But the young man! The new young man who goes out with a friend is the happiest of all those jagged. He is proud of his jag, and long before he has any excuse for feeling hilarious he gets gay.

And he drinks a sherry wine here, and a poit wine there, and sweet wine, and sour wine, and ns gets gayer and gayer. Such a jag! He finally orders champagne, for he has just received his month's 6alary. Ho rests against the bar, and invites everybody to come up and drink wine with him. He is very sick the next day. The new young man with a jag is a rara avis, aud the newei he is the more inclined he is to talk of his jag.

The jag acquired by too frequent potations of hot drinks is a sad, sad jag. The hot-drinks jag is never remembered with enthusiasm. Sad, stnpiil, and sea-sick, the man with a hot-drinks jag is to be pitied. A Horse's Mcrcory. Several years' experience with tall office buildings in Xew York has taught real-estate men that it does not pay to erect these buildings.

Lawyers, insur New York uses annually about quarts of milk. To prodnce this supply requires about 200,000 cows, worth $10,000,000, and the farms necessary to keep these cows are worth about Justice Lamar thinks that Justice Matthews died from overwork, and apprehends that others will break down unless the Supreme Court can be relieved from some of the stram to whiuk it is constantly subjected. sick fur a few davs, but 1 reckon taint noth-in serus. Ole Zeice Jackson's moved into thare now hous last weak. I tell you it's a dundr, and it's furnished nicer then enny house here, it most kills l'eto's wife an she Sniffs worse than ever, an no do the rest of em.

Yhfii sum of the rarsonsos ain't to Cronks, why sum of the ronks is to Par-sonses, 1 he school-marm ses thav will I another full-size row betwixt em sum day. I've a notion to trv sum of them new oaf Sbsi t'onitivrlyosrr bjs CARTFR'S inrse i.uxatf -)im. Thcv also retievfl Dis-I ance men, and others who have had their offices in them for a time have moved out, as they find that business is not near so rushing hen you are up six or seven stories high as vhen you are nearer the ground floor. One of these sky-scrapers, erected last summer, contains 200 offices, but only thirty-five of them are tenanted. And this is the case with all the high office buildings.

It is doubtful if any rnoro of them will go up. i treas from Dyspepsia. In- nipi'siion ami Toolleart.i I Eating. A rterfoct rem edy for Dizziness. NauseaS "Sav, friend, vou are on my horse, urowsmesK, Bad Tastf in the Mouth.

said one gentleman to another as Tonguc.Pain in the Side 61 PILLS. 1UKi'iD ek. The; I regulate the Bowelp AFTER HIS FIRST A Michigan man buried his wife, put up a headstone, repainted his house, married a second wife, and dug five acres of potatoes within seventeen days, and yet he says he can't begin to hustle as his father used to. KSli Purely ep.etahle. Price Cents; CASTES LIEEICniE KEWYOiS.

Small Pill. Small Dose. Small The Armours, in Chicago, did a business of $60,000,0000 last year, $5,000,. O00 in excess of 18SS. Six thousand men were employed, and paid The firm killed 1,200,000 hogs, 600,000 cattle, and 250,000 sheep.

everybody has caught on. The expression is not elegant, but it has a meaning, and has probably come to stay. "Jagged" and "jagging" will come on apace, and then somebody will add a few pages to the dictionary. There is no prevailing style of jag for the very simple reason that no class of society can run a corner on it The champagne jag is the happiest of all jags, because it is the most sociable. AVho ever heard of a man evolving a champagne jag without the assistance of one or more friends? Mean men use straight whisky in a game of solitaire, aud their jag is as uninteresting as the subjects aro miserable and unhappy.

But the champagne jag, provided the wine be FXCELSIIIK IM'l BATOR. Simpie. l'crft-ct und St-lf-Refruiatinjr. umlreds in sue-resslul oiii-ration. Guaranteed to hatrh as lartre percentage of fertile eKKs as any-other hateher.

Send 6e. for new Illns. Catalotnte. Circulars Free. G.

II. Stall), 3d st. uuiiicy Hi. woeners on this la-t batch calves, fur the others liko to a bellered themselfes todeth. Write soon.

Benjamin Hakhowson Scooper. Willam Henery felt sum better arfter he hed red Ben's letter, but we all wundered who it wus he wus a thinkin of fur a housekeeper. "I gess it must be Sairy Giles," ses WTillam Henery. "No, I'll bet it's one o' the Perkinses," ses the widder. "Mebby it's the school-marm," ses Susan Jane.

"I shudn't be s'prised, then, if it were one o' the Purely gals," ses in-fiictavely a-rubbin the eend o' my nose with the auvellop. "Shucks They doan't enny of you no nuthin about it," ses Andy. "I'll bet a coon skin it is one o' the Hoppers' gals." An so we wundered an wundered, an coodn't nun of us agree. But we hed a awful nice visit thare, an rested a heep o' the time, an dun sum washin. sose to be reddy fur Joshua's the next weak.

We hed visited all the dotters but 1, an we hed 6 suns to visit yit, but 4 of em lived in the same town whare we wus a-goin frum Joshua's. Youru, Hestek Ann Scooper. Lownt prired if fl Hfctdicr made There is said to be a large band of wild horses, led by a thoroughbred known to the stockmen as the "Outlaw Stud," ranging between Truckee, Nevada County, and Peavine, says the Grass Valley Tidings. Years ago the stud, a fine racer, escaped to the mountains, and has since defied capture. By desperate riding stockmen manage to get into the band every year and drive out the colts.

The horses range on the highest peaks, beyond where cattle or sheep often go. They only go to water once a day, and then in single file down the mountain trail as fast as they can run. They go back at their leisure. ij Send your own.a nd address of all bout iltm, you know "f.ind will send ton titt.ii tn or nis Kt.MtK ttr 1. 8.

ZKH.I.F.It it CO. Adam" Cblrsi-n. tVAVTFIt. reined his horse before the door. "Your horse! Oh, no; why, I bough! this horse two years ago." "You did?" answered the other, "well, I lost my horse it was stolen just two years ago." The conversation took place undei the far-spreading oaks of an old-time plantation home.

A planter was surprised to see his horse return home after two years, and ridden by a gentleman who evidently had bought the horse in good faith. After some conversation the old owner of the horse, with much earnestness, said: "AVell, sir, if you will dismount, unsaddle the horse, and he don't go to the fence, take the bars down, walk to the well, aud if he don't find water in the bucket let it down the well, and then walk off to his old stable, I will give up, and that horse isn't mine "At your word the horse is yours if he does all that," cried the visitor, and, leaping from the horse, unsaddled it. 'What was his astonishment when the horse went straight to the fence, letdown the bars, crossed over, went to the well, and, finding no water, let the bucket down, and then, as though he had left home but yesterday, walked to the old stable. The animal remembered the trick, and the owner recovered his horse. There are those living now who can attest to the truth of this story, though it happened years ago.

St. Louis Globe-Democrat. The pictures in a rogue's gallery are not all steal engravings. No Risks Eun. Pretty Girl: "I called in reference to your advertisement for a typewriter." Cautious Bachelor: "1 advertised for a young man." P.

"Yes, I know, but I was in hopes I might do." V. "Hm! Can you conk?" P.O.: "Cook? Why, C. "Co'jd honsenecper?" P. "Oh, yes." C. "Fond of society?" P.

"No, I gcidoin go out unless obliged to." C. "Take that desk there, please." From the year the patent office was established up to the present time 3,500 patents have been granted to females. The first woman patentee was Mary Kees, who invented a machine for weaving a mixture of silk and thread. There are three Roman Catholic and eight Protestant missions in the Congo territory. They support twenty-eight stations and ninety-rive missionaries.

The Protestant missions are supported by Americans, English, and Swedes. A squirrel was killed recently on its way from a grain field in San Joaquin County, California, and on examination of its pouches they were found to contain 819 grains of wheat, which go to show how much damage a few of these animals can do. THE CHAMPAGNE JAG. Al and the stomach be not disordered, calls forth all that is social in one's na ture. No torpid liver should ever attempt the champagne jag, for the sake of the The Brooklyn Union says officers of the Navy Yard complain that many of the gunners, after receiving a thorough education at Uncle Sam's expense in the sciences of gunnery and electricity, leave the comparatively ill-paid services of the Government to enter the employ of local electric light and telegraph companies as electrical experts, at a big salary.

They say that unless some measure is adopted to prevent this, the navy will soon be without any gunners. The electric light companies are glad to obtain their services at the rate of $30 to $35 per week, while they get only $25 per month and their board out of the Government. James Lick, the California philanthropist, died in October, 1876, but the contest over the construction of his will is still going on in the California courts. The latest point to which it has been found necessary to give a legal construction is the intention of Mr. Lick as to the School of Mechanical Arts, for the foundation and maintenance of which he willed $540,000.

The fact that for over thirteen years his executors have been trying to find a way to carry out the provisions of his last testament; the delay and loss which have resulted, and the entire defeat of some of his intentions, offer striking proofs of the advantage to rich men in putting their benevolent purposes into practice while they are alive and can be sure that their wishes are obeyed. Dollars never go so far in philanthropy as when they are admin-tered by their owner himself. nne beverage spoiled. But when gentlemen and, mayhap, ladies, throw dull care away to listen to the poppng of corks, the least harmful and most exhilarating of jagg is the result. Its happiest effects are seen in the early morning.

If or.a can sing his sonl pours forth in mel- Asleep in a Churchyard. An bid man who sleeps by the roadside yonder, and upon whose tomb are the familiar lines beginning, "Remember me as you pass by," spent the greater portion of the last ten years of his life by his wife's grave. He came in the early morning, and after removing any microscopic weed that might have showed itself since the previous evening, would light his pipe and solemnly contemplate the stones in his vicinity. He went away regularly to his meals, and as regularly took his afternoon nap on the grass by the graveside. Shortly before his last visit to the cherished spot he requested me to decipher for him the dates upon several of the gravestones, and we conversed about many whom we had known in life and who had passed away.

I remarked that the churchyard was a very pretty place, and his face lighted up as he rejoined "Ah, mister, I always thought I should like to be buried here, for," looking around, "you see there's such a splendid view from here." This was uttered in good faith, and the old man seemed convinced that neither coffin lid nor churchyard clods would obstruct his view. Perhaps they don't. In a few brief weeks he came to his favo-ite haunts to stay. "Poor old William," the flowers upon your grave have run wild long ago, and no one seems to remember you as they pass by. Chambers' Journal.

Nellie axd Hattie Cook, aged 14 and 16 years respectively, daughters of Lyman Cook, of Smith County, Kansas, husked 1,000 bushels of corn for their father last fall, for which he paid $25, having agreed to pay them cents a bushel for all they would husk. A writer in. an Eastern jourlna, talking about church choirs, says they have become the training-school for the comic-opera stage. The good may not believe it possible, but a glance at the history of the most popular soubrettes and prima donnas shows that they graduated from church choirs." Antone Fratus, of Provincetown, selected his pillow as a safe place for keeping money, and there deposited $300 in an envelop. His two-year-old child found the envelop and shoved it through an open grate into the fire.

There was $290 in bills, which were destroyed, and a $10 gold piece was found in the ashes. oay; it one can dance the heels bespeak his joyous condition. If neither accomplishment is vouchsafed the tongue loosens at both ends and a hapDV. harmless loquacity reveals the jag. It is under Miaknii tiut of Gnr.

Fy malarial disease, the human machinery cannot half perform its office. ligtstion, secret. on, eviCiunio', v.rs disordered, the blcod becomes wateiy. the nerves teeble, the cnuntenai sleep disturbed and appetilo apncious. 'Jernblo i- this sea-e, fell its lonsoquenees There is, however, a known i ntidole to the miasmatic poison, and a certa ifeg ard against it.

in malarious egions of our t-outh aud West, in to Am rica, Gaut'n ala and on the lttlnm of 1 anama, as well as in transmarine count ies where the scourge exists, thiB inimitat) nnd lemedy, Hos-tet r's Stomach liteis. has ring the last thirty-fieyiars, been constantly widening thj urea of its usefulness, and demonstrating its so-ereign v. lue. Liver complaint, dyspepsa, con tipation. kidnev ouble, rheum.

tism r.nd debd.ty ate all remed.ed by it. Not worth a Tear. Wife: "Oh, John, the rats hate eaten all my angel cake." Husband: "All of Wife: "Every single piece. I f-'el like crying." Husband: "Oh, psl.aw. Don't cry over a lew rats." lrity.

We call the a'tntion of tl ogt suffering with diopy to ti fair preposition of ilr. H. H. Green Sons in t. eir advertisement on this pagt Try thm; it ost you nothing to do so.

To be found in bad company is often equivalent to being lost. If the bill to muzzle dogs goes through its victims will probably bow to it. Another Piece PhI.1 KewOr'e. ns Picayano, Febroa "6. Another cmrle of luckv investors in the I ouisiana btat; arred in the ty yecterday.

They we two joung men. nan ed. ohn 1). Mayr.eld. a private banker and secretary ot the TexKB Savings jLob Association, of Waco.

anl hs book keeper, Mr. Id. C. Tl ey were bc. ompmied by their friend, Mr.

J. A. Van Etten, of Liit -k, whjre Messrs. Ma fie.d and Himst dt resided. Mtssrs.

Alayfield and werj copartners in lit ket So. whuh drew the Lr-t capital prt of SSJVKH and on the presen atioa tho ticket at the o.hce of the Lotteiy re I romptly givm a ch ckon te NewOrlr ans Nat oi al bank lor 00. Two-thud-; of the ze was owned by Mr. dt, and his etuplcy gave hun certirica of depo lor before the ticket was cashed. Foth gentlemen will remain in the ty io witne the carnival and w.ll leave for home oa Vedn.sday next.

Whiskey is said to improve with age, but age doesn't improve with whiskey. His Ideas of Security. "I want to borrow a hundred dollars," said he. "Can I have it "Certainly," was the courteous reply of the banker. "Come in and sign a note and get an indorser." "Hain't I good for a hundred?" "Yes, and a good hundred times that amount." "Then what do yer want of a note? You know I'll pay it, don't yer?" "I have no doubt of it; but to loan money without security is not the proper way to do business." "Pshaw! I only want the money for a month and it'll be all right.

"If vou live. But should you chance to die?" "Die!" exclaimed the man, as he turned away with the most disgusting look possible, "who the devil ever heard of a man dying in thirty days?" St. Louis Magazine. Morsels of Gastronomy. Since the prodigal banquet to the Kaiser Wilhelm economy is believed to have reigned in the Sultan's household.

It is more and more the fashionable affectation to profess not to like icecream; possibly this is owing to the paragraphers' pun. So much talk about horseflesh in sausages has in some fastidious localities affected the sale of the breakfast articles. There is not a Queen all over Europe who will acknowledge that she knows anything about the "queen fritters" enumerated on the hotel bill of fare. New York Mail and Express. Axles, carriages, twisted wire cables, the ends of boilers, wagon tires, and hoops for barrels, are among the articles for which electric-welding is already employed.

Bars of metal may be joined at angles, finger rings made, steel joined to iron in tools, rods of bars lengthened or shortened, and cast-iron pieces for machinery united, by the new method. The process is very rapid, and so effective that chain links made by it, unlike those welded in the old way, never break at the weld. A complete revolution in riveting metal plates is anticipated, as the riveting may be done by electricity sc as to avoid all leaking. The discovery of an ocean current coming from the unexplored region beyond Spitzbergen is the subject of a communication to be considered by the Bremen Geographical Society. The current was encountered during the summer by Drs.

Knkenthal and Wal-ker, and was very strong from the middle of July to the middle of August, streaming through the entire Olga strait from north to south, and turning southeastward off King Charles Land. Poet (to editor, handing him a man-script) I suppose you'll give me credit for this. Editor Take it to the counting-room and they may give you credit for one insertion. A curious circumstance is noted by the Tampa (Fla.) 2seics. An orange grove near that place was abandoned a long time ago.

The cars pass the grove, and it is said that the row of trees next the car track has a healthy, vigorous appearance, while all the trees beyond, without one exception, have a deathly pallor which betokens early demise. Whether the hriftiness of the trees next the track is due to the trembling of the ground caused by passing trains, or to the smoke from the engines, both or either, is a question. THE PFFECT OF MIXED DKIXKS. Stamps He Didn't Hare. He was a stamp fiend, youDg and precocious.

The plain American stamp had no interest for him. He was making a collection of foreign ones, and so when they sent him down to the post-office for a package he did not pay much attention, but brought it home and handed it over and skipped out to play tag. Next day they snowed him a new sister who had arrived. He looked at her with some curiosity. "Say, where did she come from?" "Oh, from heaven." "From heaven! AYas that the package I brought from the postoftice yesterday, and I never knowed anything about it?" "Yes." "Golly! why didn't you save me the stamps?" San Francisco Chronicle.

A business woman Jones (to a former sweetheart) So yon are going to throw yourself away on old Jinison? She Throw myself away! I guess you don't know that he has a million and a bad case of heart disease. Call that throwing myself away? That's iv hat I call getting fancy prices. Mr. Grady's Kindness to a Reporter. The late Henry AY.

Grady was very popular with the younger class of reporters in New York, and, in fact, every city in the North. One young man, speaking of the dead Southerner a few evenings ago, said: "I shall never forget Mr. Grady's kindness to me. I was correspondent for an out-of-town paper and could not attend the Southern Society dinner at which Mr. Grady was to deliver his address on The New Late in the afternoon of the day set for the dinner I called on Mr.

Grady at his hotel with a view to receiving a proof of his speech. I was quite a boy, but the distinguished young Southerner showed me as much consideration as any man possibly could, sat down with me aud went through the entire speech, making changes and taking up three-quarters of an hour of time that was very valuable to him. When he had concluded Mr. Grady presented me to his wife, who accompanied him on the trip, and extended a hearty invitation to visit Atlanta and the Sowth. for one, shall never forget Henry AY.

Grady." l'r the influence of a champagne jag that man forgets his sorrows and sometimes his wife. He calls upon everthing in reach to contribute to his enjoyment, and the greatest sufferer is tho pocket-book. Tho cost of a champagne jag, if the jag is rightly celebrated, is never known until the bills all come in. No two jags are alike, no matter if they are acquired in the same way The straight-whisky jug is the ja? of sorrows. It has no redeeming features aud the man who indulges in one should be hanged.

The art f-t could not do justice to the straight-whisky jag. It has two pints in its stomach and a pint in its pocket, and it goes behind a honse and dr.uk all by itself. It rolls from one side of the street to the other, and it yells like a Comanche until av officer It is better to I alone than in bad company, but some people are in bad company when they are alone. Knew the Sex. Mrs.

Slogan(at an station "Uon you ever trust a man as long, as you live. They're all liauds, every one; of Vm." Daughter: "Why, n.a! All?" Ma: "Every one, no exception at Look at that man near the news stand. Tho brute." Daughier: "Why. ho looks the very picture of gen leness and refinement." Ma: "Oh yes: but he's standing there gazing a a rat poison poster all tho same. I'll bet his wife ha a pet pcodle." At the breakfast to Amelia B.

Edwards, in Boston, Lucy Stone told how, in the days when women first began to speak in public, one bitter night in a new England town the windows were opened from the outside and a stream of ice-cold water was turned upon her, but this did not daunt her nor stop her speech. Once a pistol wa-s fired at Anna Dickin.on on the etnf: aud the ball cut off a lock of her.