The Daily Reporter from Garnett, Kansas • 4

S2 A SOUTH SEA ABSURDITY. Colony Items. M. A. Carmiehael was In attendance at district court at Garuett, the first the week.

O. O. McDovvn went to Garnett, Monday, to attend the meeting of township trustees. CUSTOM FBI John liuth, Colony's wide-awake real estate agent, wa3 at Garnett, Monday, on business. Sheriff Keeuey bad business in Colony and yiclnlty, Tuesday.

Miss Knowlton, of Geneva, is the guest of Ljda and Myra Grismore this week. John Ferguson, of Klch township, was in the city, Tuesday. Fred Funston, of Cuban fame, was shaking hands with his friends here PERFECT SHAPE. PERFECT TREAD. PERFECT EASE.

SHO EP3A HOST PERFECT Full Line Just Received in the New Silk Tops at Tuesday. Mrs. Sam'l Fullenwlder, one of the oldest settlers of this township, died at her home four miles east of Colony, Monday. The funeral services were conducted at the Christian church, Tuesday afternoon, Dr. E.

T. Metcalf officiat-mg. A large concourse of relatives and friends attended the body to its final resting place. Mrs. Mary Nesbltt left Tuesday for Gallopohs, Ohio, where she will spend I'm IUirriolino from Wool loom col oo, And a king the Friendly isles I'm the- owner in chief of a corn I reef, Where a mermaid Hits iind umiles Where a mermaid it.s and smiles! on me Ah she combs her dark green locks And nibbles tint seed of the Halt seaweed Which clings to tho polypous roeka.

I havo been to sea with a manatee On tho back of a big, blncfc whale-; I have warbled a song with a young du-Kong, Who was taking a little sail Who was taking a little sail with me In the Houth Pacific seas, But we both had a cough and soon left off When the whale began to sneeze. I havo played fantan with a Chinaman, Who swam ashore from his junk; Oh, ho looked very blue whon I won his cue, And went on a horrible drunk And went on a horrible, howling drunk, Because of hia sad, sad low. But we put him in jail to weep and wail And pray to hia Chinese joss. I have hobnobbed, too, with a cannibal crew And sampled their humble fare; Oh, a richer dish than any fried fish Was some missionary, rare Was some missionary, rarely cooked, Eerved up on a wooden skewer, IIo was done to a fault and with pepper and salt Was fit for an epicure. I have played leapfrog with the pert sea hog On the top of the, bounding wave I have straddled a spar with a shipwrecked tar, Till he sank to his deep sea grave-Till he sank to hia deep sea gravo below, Where the sea ghouls lay in wait And shrieked with.glee at their banquet free As they dined off the captain's mate.

I have sat in the 6hade with a young mermaid, As she fanned herself with her tail I have heard her sigh when I swore to die If my lovo should ever fail If my love should over fail for her, Hy queen of the tropical eeas Then I utolo a kiss from this mythical miss -As I gave her fin a squeeze. But away she ran with a gay merman, Who brought her a fine tooth comb; It was mother of pearl and it caught my girl, For she left my house and home For she left my house and she left me, too, Alone on this coral roef, And I sit and moan in an undertone, For I'm overcome with grief. i Chicago Post. the summer with her parents. Rev.

II. A. Cook went to Ottawa, Tuesday, to attend the conference of the M. E. church, which is in session in that city this week.

While here he has made many warm friends and it ia the sincere and earnest wish of all that he be returned to this charge. Fred Church was in Colony the first THE DAILY BEPORTER. By RALPH BROOKE. Entered at the Garnett, K.s. postoffic for transmission through the mails as mattr of th second class, Mar.

793. TERMS OF SUBSCRIPTION I Per Week 10c Per Year. $3.00 TUESDAY, MARCH 15, 189S. fill 1 Troop3 stationed at Fort Leavenworth have been ordered to get in readiness to move. The artillery companies at Ft.

Riley are now loading a train for their removal to Musings of a Cynic. Men dislike a llirt, but they 'abhor a precise womao. Men do not admire a gorilla-like woman, neither do tbey one who Is lamb-like. A woman without a love affair is like a ship without a rudder. Women can conceal everything from meu except their love.

A woman should be as careful of her wit as of her easter bonuet. A shrewd woman will cause a man to stub his toes a few times before reaching her heart. The woman who can please a man's stomach i3 sure to obtain and retain his heart. The woman who wears her hat on one side of her head doe3 it to balance her brains. Many women will follow men through of the week, on business.

Ed N. McDowell moved his houshold goods to Lone Elm, where he will make his future home. M. Shuraard purchased the Mr. McDowell and now oc cupies the same.

tred Harvey and wife came down from Kansas City. Wednesday, for a month's visit with Mrs. Harvey's pa Atlanta, Ga. The Memphis railroad has been notified to hold itself in readiness to move troops from Kansas City to the gulf coast. rents, Mr.

and Mrs. Dan Endicott. Thomas Buford, a former citizen of this city, but now of the Indian territory, a lifetime of sorrow and shame who is visiting friends bere this week. would not lift ber hand to help an erring Major Gear, of Greeley, is the guest of sister. his daughter, rs.

Fred Rhodes, this rAU women are susceptiple to flattery, week. but often you can't so In at the front Adam Maler, a former citizen of this community, drove dopvn from Kansas City, arriving here on Friday. Senator Mason, of Illinois, has been particularly active and aggressive in championing the cause of the Cuban and has said some pietty bitter things regarding the Spanish. His remarks have reached the ears of the editor of the Spanish paper, El Cardo, who challenges the senator to mortal The Spanish editor perhaps doesn't know that Senator Mason is one of the biggest men in the senate, and if he could door but are compelled tosteal in unobserved at the back door. Women do not curse, but the shrug of the shoulder or the swish of a skirt answers the purpose.

A young woman who would be popular among men must study how to in flenry Hannah has purchased the lumber of the old stock yards in front of the Santa Fe depot and is removing same. The change will be a vast im provement to the appearance of that duce them to be attentive in the easiest Learned a Lesson. A man who had stopped at a crowded hotel in a city where a national political convention was in session stepped up to the clerk's desk on the morning of his departure to settle. "Aw, how much is it, me good fellow?" he asked the clerk. "Thirty-six dollars," replied that functionary, after a glance at his accounts.

"How do yon make that out?" "Four dollars a day for three of you. You have been here three days. Three times 12 are 36." "But, me good fellow, there are only two of us my wife and myself." "You registered as 'Mr. and Mrs. Upsmith and "Aw, me good fellow, 'Fidelia' is my wife's lapdog.

You can't chawge for a lapdog, you know." "All I know is that we put an extra cot in your room for Miss Fidelia," rejoined the inexorable clerk, "and every cot in the -house has got to bring in money this week. Thirty-six dollars, section of the city. The firm of Yokum Steadman dis solved partnership this week. Mr, once get the editor down and sit on him he would feel very much like a Yokum will continue the business. Miss Dot Stout is visiting Miss Blanche West the latter part of the week.

pacificos after a few months existence as a rcontentrado. Frank Quiggle attended the meeting of the Republican county central com mittee, held at Garnett, Saturday. manner while older women must know how to be attentive to men without creating any suspicion that they are trying to please them. Nine out of eyery ten women lose their admiration tor a young man who expends more on them than his income will allow. Some women think that beauty and dress constitute the most importent essentials of womenbood and the qualities which will make them respected and admired.

God gave his greatest blessing to man when he gave him woman but the devil, not to be outwitted, also made her the bearer of the most excruciating woes and trials which man endures. Mrs. L. II. Endicott and son, Melvin, were in Iola, Saturday, on business.

Miss Robb, of Iola, and Mr. Vaughn, of Butler, are visiting W. L. Wilson i sir. and family.

And Mr. Upsmith had to pay it. Youth's Companion. John Hunzicker went to Ottawa, Sat urday night, to attend conference. Subscribe for lie Daily Reporter 10 cents per week, delivered by, carrier.

It is becoming a well founded belief that the hoard of inquiry of the Maine disaster are withholding their report until the United States is fully ready to act upon it. The activity in pushing nat'onal defence operations all along the Atlantic and Gulf coast, the purchasing of battleships ot Brazil and other powers, points to but one conclusion, which is that the United-States expects war is soon as the board of inquiry reports and a demand for reparation is made upon Spain. When ever the report is made the general public can safely conclude that the adminiitra-tion is ready to make its demands and back them up with a powerful lavy and the government is ready to prosecute the war to a speedy and successful finish. Horses For Sale 1 have four good heavy horses for sale reasonable easy term.3. E.

ISewell. Rare and Not Expensive. A friend of the late Lord Granville, noted for his baldness and avarice, was speaking one day about a mutual friend who was going to be married. "I would like to give him, my lord," said he, "something rare, but not expensive." "Present him a lock of your hair," Granville whispered sweetly. Argo naut.

Farms to Rent. I have two good farms to rent cheap, on easy terms. E. Sewell. Thirty cents in advance pays for the African Monkeys.

Africa's monkeys are giving out. In the neighborhood of the Gold Coast tbey havo been exterminated, and last year tho colony could collect only monkey fcklns, whereas in 1894 168,405 skins, valued at 5205,000, were exported. Go to the Korner barber shop for Duly Reporter one month. If not paid in advance the regular rate of 10 a good shave, hair cut or bath. One of the finest equipped shops Id Kan cents per week will be charged.

Four months for $1, advance payment. aas. Only the best barbers employed. Mont Bell, Prop. U'-Sh Elevated Railroad, heinK obliged to have an elevated railroad to connect the stations at Subscribe for the Daily Reporter, opposite ends of the city, is going to build it ISO feet from the ground on ornamental 10 cents per week, delivered by When wantiDg photographs Yal ad is the man to ste.

1-tf pillars, with glass roof beneath to Drotect I rnrripr. Johnson, the photoprapher, has had 10 years experience. ltf the streets below. I J) i i.