The American Nonconformist and Kansas Industrial Liberator from Winfield, Kansas • 2

TRE AMERICAN NONCONFORMIST. GOOD DIGESTION WAR 0 THE BORDER. BY JAYHAWKER. MARRIAGE NO FAILURE. un- and unmarried: they angled was rich He practiced pretty generally by the male portion of the inhabitants of the border during the raid, and it consisted in passing their nights in the woods, cornfields, or most anywhere except in their houses.

But we will let the old gentleman give his own experience and tell how he was cured of the rheumatism, as he told it to the boys after the raid. Said the old man: "1 was all ears that night and not even a mouse bopped around among the leaves near me, that I didn't hear. At the break of dav I heard the booming of the big guns at the Post, and then 1 hobbled along toward the house feeling satisfied you fellows wasn't allowing them much daylight to squander in Kansas. At the house I learned that three suspicious looking men, heavily armed, had just passed south into the timber of Sugar creek. My women folks declared they were rebels and ought to be captured.

I was of the same opinion as to their capture, and requested them to bring my favorate saddle pony from the woods. By the aid of a chair and the help of wife and daughters, I got seated it the saddle and rode off to waro the neighbors and endeavor to render some service to the cause of the Union by capturing those three bushwhackers. My pocket knife wras the I will be green in your memory. She (tenderly) Yes, Mr. Grassley, and you will be green in the memory of everybody who has known jou.

But don't be sad, Mr. Grassly; you'll be ripe by and by. maybe. Washington Post. "Ah, it tills my heart with joy," said a country minister, as the last note of the organ died away, "to see so many strangers among us this beautiful Sabbath morning.

The good book says: 4 He was a stranger and I took him The collection will now be taken up." Man at the theater box-office: "Have vou anv front seats in the upper gallery?" "Yes, sir." "How high is that above the parquet?" "About seventy feet. Do you thiuk I could see over the millinery Jdown-stairs?" 1 think so." "Gimme two." Successful politician (to interviewing reporter) You understand that what I have told you must not appear in print? It is strictly confidential and must go no further. Reporter: 1 shall respect your confidence, sir: honor among thieves; that's my motto Boston Courier. A Burlington shoemaker hung out a placard the other day, but it hadn't flapped in the wind more than two hours when somebody whispered in the proprietor's ear, and he whisked the sign in quicker than a toad houses it tongue. The placard read as follows "Don't go elsewhere to be cheated Walk inhere." Burlington Free Press The much-discussdd portrait of Mrs.

Hayes, in the green room of the White House, recently drew trom Senator Evarts a clever witticism. "Time may do a good deal for the picture." he said; "but there was a mistake made at first which can never be corrected. The artist painted the portrait in oils. only weapon 1 had or needed, as I can't see to hit the broad side of a barn any more. I soon found a couple cf neighbors.

Uncle Joe Conley and Young Guin, who were anxious to follow and capture them if possible. Guin had Mrs. Hayes should be painted in water colors. ceasing. At mountain resorts and at summer hotels: The mother so kindly the daughter so pleasing-Obscured the attractions of all other belles.

He proposed. She accepted, though brief was their wooing. The day for the wedding soon after arrived, in a most select church, where select friends were viewing. She was carefully husbanded he ditto wived. And she whispered: Mamma," when the wedding was over.

Is marriage a failure? Well, not much, I guess. It might be with some impecunous lover. But marriage with me is a golden success." Merchant Traveler. UNFAIR. When I was a babe and sucked a ring, And held no views on anything, Except, of course, the lacteal spring, Which kept me occupied, It seemed to be the girls' delight To kiss me morning, noon, and night.

My nose they made a perfect fright. And how 1 howled and cried! Now I have grown to man's estate Behold the irony of fate! No maiden tries to dislocate That Roman nose again: And strangely shy is every miss, Though I'd appreciate the bliss And value every heart' kiss They wasted on me then. Stranger: May I ask what your occupation is, sir? 'Tally ho driver (in a college town): Oh," I coach the students. When a girl slams the front door in a suitor's face she has certainly been guilty of contempt of court. Dans-ville Breeze.

"Do you find it hard to turn your jokes into poetry?" she asked. "Not very," replied Tubbs. "The hardest thing is to turn poetry into money. Time. South Carolina is a moral State.

Divorce is entirely unknown there. When a man gets sick of his wife he simply swaps her off for a cow. Burlington Free Press. Young clergyman The great hope of my life is to marry you one of these days. Miss Nellie: Certainly you shall, my dear Mr.

Primrose, just as soon as Charley proposes. If a man and a half throws a bootjack and a half at a cat and a half in a night and a half, how many cats and a half will he hit in a month and a half Mobile Register. Barber (to customer) Hair cut, sir? Customer: Hair cut! Can't you see I wear a wig? Barber: Oh, I beg pardon; so you do. Well er have a shampoo? Harper's Bazaar. Rev.

Mr. Hirsute: The hairs of your head are numbered, Mr. Scantilocks. Mr. Scantilocks: Well, it comforts me to think how little trouble 1 give the recording angel latterly.

Judge. Irate passenger (as train is moving off) Why didn't you put my luggage in as I told you, you old Porter: E-h, man! yer baggage es na sic a fule as yersel1. Ye're i' the wrang train! It is said that there are 1200 actors out of employment in the country. They ought to be given the places of some of the people on the stage who are not actors. Baltimore American.

Brown: The price of coal is fluctuating. Robinson: Yes, the price goes up and down, but the weight i emains stationary in the neighborhood of 1600 AMOtfG OIR EXCHANGES. been home but a short time from the army, having served out his enlistment. His knowledge of warfare constituted him our leader, and followed the trail several miles through the timber. 1 had about concluded to give up the Does the Blair Sunday Rest bill in clude interest on debts, so that they can chase as my rheumatism was getting worse, when a party of twenty or thirty armed men, most of them dismounted, were discovered a short distance ahead.

They occupied a high portion of ground overlooking the rest and not draw interest on the Lord Day? Perhaps some of the advocates of the Blair business will rise and explain. Chicago Sentinel. We can say this much for the Kansas Legislature It cost seventy-eight hundred dollars, or twenty-eight dollars and a half each, to enroll the two hundred and seventy-four bills which it passed, and five average clerks could easily have done all the work in eleven days. Kansas Farmer. The actual settler in Oklahoma is the one who will come out ahead in the Mine creek battle ground.

Their attention was drawn toward the battle then in progress and they hadn't noticed our approach. But we were riding boldly toward them, thinging they were our militia, when Guin great race for possession there. Good authorities give their opinions to that called a halt, and said: 'We may be effect, and not even the old soldier's If Christ Should Come? "He came unto his own, and his own received him not." Suppose that thirty years ago another star of Bethlehem had appeared, and at some rural village, into the family of a poor machanic, there had been born another Messiah, who, after working at a trade for years, in company with the poorest and humblest people, studying with infinite wisdom and brooding with infinite pity over the condition of mankind, should just now be entering upon his ministry, In what condition would he see the world after eighteen hundred years of Christianity? Would he not find the affairs of the great nations of Christendom in the control of Pharisees? Christian England going to war to piotejt bond-holders in their right to "spoil the Egyptians. A hundred thousand harlots and thieves in the greatest city of the world? Women doing mens work in coal and iron mines for a Dittance hardly sufficient to keep body and soul together? The agricuitural laborers of Great Britian and Ireland living lives of poverty, squalor and ignorance, with the poor-house their only refuge when they shall cease to be able to work? Nine-tenths of the soil of those islands owned by less than thirty thousand landlords, who, with their collateral relatives to the third and fourth degree, live from oft" the earnings of this same squalid and ignorant class? And would he find these conditions improved in the great cites and fertile agricultural regions of continental Europe? On crossing the Atlantic, would he not find the rich growing richer and the poor poorer? People crowding the streets whose sole reliance for a livlihood are vice, pauperism and crime? State prisons, jails and poor-houses filled to overflowing? Usurers and extortioners fattening off the earnings of their fellows? Capital ruling the world politically and socially? Monej crowned king Usury legalized and protected by law? Corruption the main reliance of those who rule and govern? Thousands upon thousands of the poor in the great cities and manufacturing centers being ground to powder by force of the law of supply and demand? The soil upon which people are born and must live being monopolized into a tew hands. And suppose he should come with a few poor followers, destitute of wealth, culture, education or genius and say to the great Christian aristocracy, "Repent ye, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" Repent! Change 3our order of thinking and living.

Cease to grind the poor. Cease to take usury interest for that is the Bible meaning of the term. Cease to monopolize God's lands, made for his children. Cease to debase labor and deify money. "Sell all that thou hast and give it to the poor." Suppose he should say this? The people would say, "He is a religious crank, a Communist.

Ha should be squelched. Away with him. Such doctrines are dangerous to society. This is the great era of Christian civilization. Such cranks should not be allowed to run at large.

They would undo the great work of this century of material development and prosperity." And then suppose he should turn and say: "Woe unto you, London! Woe unto you. New York! Woe unto you, Washington! Woe unto you, Scribes and Pharisees hypocrites! Ye pay mint and anise and cummin, but have omitted weightier matters judgment, mercy and faith. Woe unto you blind guides, which strain at a gnat and swallow a camel. You house shall be desolate. You talk about your great temple of modern civilixation 1 tell you that there shall not be left one stone upon another that shall not be thrown down.

This is the gospel of the kingdom of heaven which I have come to establish." What would be the effect of such teaching not in a far-off past, but as a present reality, proclaimed by a Divinely-Commissioned Messenger? Should his teachings obtain much head-way, should the multitude begin to follow him, the cry would at once be raised: "Awav with him! Crucify him!" And yet the teachings are the same, word for word, as were preached eighteen hundred years ago by him whom all Christendom effects to worship. And we believe that unless the tendc ncy of modern pratice to deity capital and make it supreme in the administration of human affairs is checked and modified by this gospel, there wilL come a time when the destruction of the temple in accordance with his denunciation will be but a faint svmbol of the ruin which will overtake this boasted civilization of the nineteenth century, Elmira, (N. Gazette. Interested farmers in the Southeastern counties of Kansas may look for an organizer in the person of Mr. C.

Mcllwain, of Dexter, who is soon to begin work in those counties. Addressing at Dexter will find him. Here is a queer old law that is still upon the statute books of New Jersey: That all romen of whatever age, rank, profession or degree, whether virgins, maids or widows, who shall, after this act, impose upon, seduce or betray into matrimony any of his majesty's" subjects by virtue of scents, cosmetics, washes, paints, artificial teeth, false hair or high heeled-shoes shall incur the penalty now in force against withcraf or like misdemeanors. CHAPTER I We found on our return to Scott a deserted town. The infantry of Lane's brigade and the citizens had departed in haste for Ft.

Lincoln, leaving but little at Scott except empty houses, but those empty houses came in very good play that night, as they gave us shelter from the rain that was falling. Few could hnd anything to eat in the darkness that prevailed, and, although powder smoke and fatigue had given us a famous appetite, we stretched out on the floors to sleep, and endure our tirst fast for the preservation of the (Union. A few of the boys, including iie writer, occupied young Judson's louse, and discovered a jar of preserves that satisfied our hunger some-what. Before it was fairly daylight the rain Had ceased falling, and our entire force consisting of less than 600 cavalry, were mounted and in line to receive Ike expected advance of Price's army into Kansas. It was not expected that ur little force could whip all creation, but taking into consideration our number compared with Price's army, it looked very much as if we intended to snake the effort that morning, though we had failed the day before at Dry-wood.

We waited patiently for the appearance of the enemy, not being aware that they had no designs on Kansas at that time, and even then advancing on Mulligan at Lexington. It was afterwards said that Gen. Price was not well pleased with his subordin-ite, Rains, for his demonstration near Scott on that Sunday evening, but he ade it a point to keep our mules, all ine same. The Kansas troops marched north Along the Kansas border to Kansas (Wty, making a show at least of protecting the border from further incursion by the enemy during the Price nid of '61. That general's next and last raid in Missouri with his entire force was late the fall of '64, and some of his joldicrs thought they had come to stay, at least they had notices to that effect printed on their hat bands; i.

4 We lave come to stay." And 'tis true, ttmic of them, after coming in contact with the Kansas force near the border, jrovctfc to be the very best of stayers ly slaying for all time and eteruity. Sow I don't wise to convey the idea Qhat the border soldiers alone whipped Trice's army out of Missouri on that occasion, for they were but a small portion of the forces that were in permit of the raiders. But I am of the opinion that the soldiers of the border tnd Kausas militia, by their determined stand, made it desirable for General Price to hasten his departure south along the old line road. A few, at least, of those Kansas soldiers, followed in hot persuit, pounding his rear guard at every opportunity, on past Ft. Scott and Dry-wood creek, where they had threa years before 'aekled the same army.

Our allies, the militia, when the enemies retreat became an assured fact and Kansas was again safe from invasion, threw away the bunches of sumac berries they had stuck on their hats and returned to peaceful persuits. There certainly must have been one among their number that was fertile in expedients, I refer to the one, who first thought of substituting the red sumac berries for hat ornaments, alter they kad tore up and exhausted everything else red they could lay their hands on. Their object was to comply with the order to wear something red on their feats and avoid the possibility of the soldiers mistaking them for euemies. The battle, or rather skirmihes, incident to General Price's last raid and retreat, have often been told and 1 will merely give a few of the minor happenings in connection therewith, that have aot previously been published. Our old enemies of the border, the bushwhackers accompanying the Confed-sratcs.

undoubtedly were disappointed as they were driven along the line, with little opportunity to distroy and kill in Kansas. Squads of them deserted the Confederates and returned to their old hiding resorts in Missouri. A loyal Granger of Linn had a very exciting experience and narrow scape, besides being cured of the declaratory statement of intention to settle will have precedence over the actual settler in Oklahoma. Purcell mistaken, those fellows look like bushwhackers. You men stop here and I will ride up a little and challenge They all faced toward us when Guin (1.

Register. The first election to be held under called out, 'What command is 'Come they replied, 'we are all light; we are Third No the Australian system will be that of Montana next October. Several States have adopted, or about to adopt, a bal sooner did they say, 'Third lot reform system, patterned upon the Australian method. The Montana elec than we wheeled our horses in a race for life, for we knew there was no tion precedes all others, and the result of the experiment will be looked for with interest. Arkansas City Dispatch.

Two years ago a Republican was elected Mayor of Chicago by 20,000 majority. This spring the Democr its elected a Maj or by 8,000. The Republicans were too thick with local monopolies. In Cleveland, Ohio, it was the Democrats who were suspected of being in partnership with monopoly Standard Oil and Senator Payne and Third Kansas then. The volley aimed at our backs and the calls to followed by persuit, caused me to forget I had ever had the rheumatism, and little Nell skimmed over the rough ground like a bird.

You boys once owned and raced her at the Post often enough to know her speed. But I believe she beat all her previous records that day, and carried ine back home, and cured me of the rheumatism and pretty well cured me of any further desire to capture bushwhackers. Conley got home all right, but poor Guin, I don't like to talk or even think of his having but just returned home with honors from the war, and, and Oh Charley, bring in anotner pan of wine aps for the boys." Uncle Hop, as the boys called him, had finished the story of his experience with raiders, as told to a party of his soldier friends that staid at his house one uight, as they were returning trom the persuit of Price's army into Arkansaw. Uncle Hop and Uncle Joe, as they were familiarly known by the border soldiers have both passed over the silent river ana joined Young Guin, who was mortally wounded by the bushwhackers that day. (to be continued.) Two Ohio women have tne grini satisfaction of reflecting that but for the opposition of their parents they might have been the wives of Presidents of the U.

S. Thirty years ago they lived at Bedford, a village of less than 500 inhabitants, about twelve miles from Cleveland, and were very attractive. To each of them, at different times, Rutherford B. Hayes, and James A. Garfield paid serious attentions, but the young men were poor and the prospects anything but bright, so the parents of the girls tirnily and effectually checked the love-making.

their candidate for Mayor was snowed under. Newton Commoner. Secretary Windom continues the bond purchases. We would advise Secretary Windom that there is an unrepealed law on the statute books of the United States which authorizes him to call in and pay off at par any outstanding bonds, and there are about 59,000,000 of people who would vigorously back him up in such an under-ta ing. He might get kicked out of Ben Harrison's cabinet, but four years from now he could have a cabinet of his own.

Do you catch on, Mr. Windom Sentinel. Mr. Streeter's visit to the prohibitionists precipitated the discussion, at this early day, of what the platform of the U. L.

party should be in '92. The time for the discussion is opportune. It is a question that should be settled now, so that we may educate the people upon the questions that we intend to make that campaign on. The sentiments, we believe, from what we have observea in our exchanges, and from the opinions expressed by our correspondents, is largely in favor of making the fight upon tne questsons of mey, transportation, land and anti-monopoly. Mo.

World. There is a tempest in the Kansas teapot. Hackney, Hallowell, Burton, and a few others, are very sore over their failure to be recognized" at Washington as princes of the realm, and are vowing all sorts of reprisals against the Congressional delegation. When Hallowell, Hackney Co. denounce the Kansas Congressmen as incapables, imbeciles," knots on a log." and the like, they are not adding anything new to the stock of public information.

But when they propose to reform these little things inside, the g. o. p. they onlv get laughed at. Chetopa Statesman.

Wild Bush Extract never fails to cure Syphilis in all its stages, Scrofula, and all other diseases of the blood. Price $1.00 per bottle, six for $5, twelve bottles for $10. Address Db. J. H.

Paola, Kansas pounds to the ton. Texas Siftings. Browne: Wiry did you stop literary work? Somebody told me you received a check for your poem." Smithe: "Yes, I did. It was a blue check, 4 No. 12,942.

Declined with thanks. Ten cents There are girls who never hear a bir church bell ring in the next block, ana yet they are able to detect the tinkling of the tiny bells on an ice-cream cart four squares away. New Orleans Picayune. Bloodgood: How are you getting on with Miss Debut, Posey boy? Have you broken the ice yet? Posey boy Yes and got a cold bath that I shan't forget to my d-ing day. Burlington Free Press.

An. artist gave a little supper at his studio, and he put in his invitations B. S. C. V.

The letters puzzled some people, who found, when they went to supper, that they meant: "Bring some cold victuals." "Did you hear about the burglar who was arrested this morning?" No. What for?" "For breaking into song." "Is that so?" "Yes. He got through two bars when some one hit him with a stave." Scranton Truth, An excited clergyman wrote to a Washington editor asking if it was true that there would be dancing at Harrison's inauguration. "Yes," replied the editor, and you had better engage your partners now. There'll be a rush." Customer (getting measured): "How much re these trousers going to cost me?" Tailor "Twenty-two dollars, sir.

How many pockets do you wear in them?" Customer "None; I won't need any pockets after I've paid for the trousers." "I "don't see why the public should complain of us," says the bob-tail street-car conductor; we give a ride and an exhibition all in one. You drop the nickel in the slot, and see the company save a conductor's wages!" He (departing) I hope, Miss Smith, The Washington correspondent of the Topeka Capital says that our statement as to the crowd of office-seekers there is not correct. But we notice that the Washington dispatches to every newsDaper bear us out in the cheumatiz, as the result of his efforts to oapture three of them. Our granger friend, Mr. Carpenter, a man of over sixty years, resided, a few miles from statement.

They speak of the crush of what was known as the Trading Post, where Priced rear division camped the Old man (calling down stairs to his daughter): "Clara!" Daughter: "Yes, papa?" Old man: "Ask that young man in the parlor which he prefers for breakfast, mi roils or Vienna bread. ofhee-seekers, of the greedy, persistent bumming, and of the intolerable nuisance they are becoming. We were altogether correct. Republican Ex. light before the battle of Mine Creek Sleeping out, as it was termed, was.