The Little Hatchet from Clay Center, Kansas • Page 1

J. W. Miller. CLAY CENTER, KANSAS, JANUARY 31, 1880. Number 7.

bility of the human race and the con- centition and expansion of the powers Business Directory Craniticopy and ritvcnolouy. to make it felony, without benefit of clergy, for the next generation to be without them, at least till the wished for organs have sufficiently displayed themselves. Of the effect of this discovery upon the future fall of the world Counsel for the prosecution. May it please the Court, gentlemen of tht jury. of the human mind, which may make the golden age of the old world or the millenium of the present, an event within- the "of ordinary life, and porfectly practicable in the next CLAY CENTER, KANSAS.

this cause here depends not on the tsoths of witnesses as was the case some hundred years ago, before the days of regulators, that the heads, where no superior purpose was required, might be formed so as to better suit the various occupations of Inen than those in Common use. Might not the person intended as a teacher of mathematics for example, have hia seat of thought moulded into the shape of a triangle, a cone, a cylinder, or any other form which might be of use to him in his demonstrations of Euclid and thus save the trouble of traceing illustrative diagrams. But these we willingly leave to the committee on the whole at Washington, who will have to arrange the provisions of the bill only suggesting Justice Tickletobius. Compare the vil- Attorney Rt I.AW WYATT. E.

office Lincoln avenue, 4th door from corner of 5th st. MILLKR DUNAWAY, office north elde of public miuure, DAWKS, F. B. office three doors west of Dispatch Printing House. JIOLKMAN, O.

office with Register of Deeds. HAHKNKSS A GOMIAHT), Office on Uncoln Avenuo, next door to Clay County Bunk. SATURDAY, JANUARY 31st, 1880. SUBSClill'TION RATKS. One Year ..50 cents.

Rooks open at the office of .1. W. Miller. All Advertisements must be handed In by the astll of each month to insure Insertion. J.

V. MILLKR, Publisher. nobody who possesses one bump out of the thirty-three can allow himself to doubt. The extravagance of a wife might easily be made up in the penuri-ousness of the husband and, indeed, the measure by a little care on the part of the township officers might make the least wise of the next generation equal to Newton or Bacon, and the least eloquent not inferior to Cicero or Demos lian's head with what you know of bumps, that all agree denote a thief, and if there's a righteous scull-Cap in the box, and I must not suppose it otherwise, I have no fear but you will give a verdict Guilty." Counsel for the prisoner. May it please the at that bump upon his head pray feel its brother on the other side, and say that if in the range of possibilities this poor man here could Aiictloneorn.

ANOWORTU office In city council room, 1 Lincoln Ave. thenes. In fact, the world might be OVR TICKET I OR 1HHO. For President AS. G.

J1LA1NF. For Vice President, J. J. 1NGALLS. Fur Justice of the Peace, generation.

We know the envy generally attached to the promulgator of a new discovery, and we should not have dared, did a court of inquisition exist in these United States, perhaps even to hint at the generalization of facts collected by the great men who have gone before us in the road of discovery. But if the scheme we now propose be taken up by Congress at its present session, we pledge ourselves gradually to lessen by its moans the annual amount of crime in this country, and in the course of thirty years, the common-term for a generation of human beings, to banish it entirely from America. As it is of considerable importance, however, and as it may prevent the honor of our discovery from being appropriated by others, and save a world of AliKtritrtN of Title. M. D'GkUo'h Copyright Scientific as it is our own discovery that the art should be instituted, both in the warrant for the money which we are sure to receive from Congress, aud in the journals of the House, "An act for hasten MILLUR, M.

System of made in less than a century to advance further in intellectual and moral improvement than it has done for the last five thousand years. AbfltructH, either rob or steal, and bear such marks IliinkN. Vl LAY COUNTY HANK, 11, U. Iliyinbothum, of striking virtue. Gentlemen of the ing the American millenium and for the revival of the Golden Age." Juhn Ave.

IAUMHItS AND MERCHANTS HANK, A. Moss, Cashier, 5th Ht, Hook Mori'. jury, feel your heads, and if there is a knot upon your skulls (unless mayhap the rudiments of horns) that bears more honest seeming, then will I give up this much-wronged man to punishment. ULLINOTON A McINTIUK, l'OHt-ofllce liuil The metal caps might be constructed so as to allow no faculty to expand beyond the mediocrity of hopeless dullness or absolute stupidity and then the money now expended in the education of the young, in cultivating faculties unmarked, perhap3 unexisting in the bony covering of the cogitative pulp, might be applied to more hopeful K. Also Cigars unu UonrueWyiHirien.

Hoot ml iNboes. MILLKli On the 1 rat', J. )Y. Justiciary record for the year, 20,000. MI TIT, 11., Cth alga of Htar Hoot.

literary controversy about priority of ideas, we beg to mention that the idea It appears now to be an established Some things conspiring, tls verv true. i weign our spirns uown ltiitTiiuTH and pnoomvill bear ue through. And on oppression frown. AUNHR, north side of Public square. Truth and Hntnour, As Truth once paused on her pilerim way, To rest, by a hedge side, thorny and sere, Few wanderers there she charmed to stay.

Though her's were the tidings that all should hear She. whispering, suntr, and her deep rich voice Yet richer, deeper, eacli moment, grew; And still though it hade the crowd rejoice, Her strain but a scanty audience drew. But Rumour close by, as she plncked a reed From a babbling brook, detained the throng; With a hundred tongues that never agreed She gave to the winds a mocking song. The crowd with delight the echoes caught. And closer around her yet they drew; So wondrous and wild the lore she taught.

struck our organ of inventiveness on the eighth day of November, one thousand fact that every prevalent bent of mind or brain, (for the brain without mind is a very useless article indeed) developes itself by a corresponding increase of ltlfMkNml(lifl. Any ono that says we are the model of perfection ia sadly mistaken. Don't eight hundred and seventy-nine, ten niinntpq nfter eleven o'clock nfc nipjht. it? and necessary purposes. Having thus laid before the public the basif of our great discovery, we will now proceed to some of the minor details.

The great matter at the firstcom-mencement of the plan would be to pro tl, lie bony caai vyhich is.suppoMd to con- th very marked STARK, N. Uraut avenue, 3d door east of JilhNt. Collection AkpiiuIcn. MILLKli, J. (J.

office Sth under llisl'A'rcti office. t'oiil IonlrM. LP tMfl the thinking apparatus, and that Pugh has that hat yet organ ot Donevoience in less man inree in examination of the head of any one minutes thereafter. As all the circum The lar-ned blacksmith is ventilating They listened entranced, the long day through. The sun went down.

When he rose ogain And sleei) had becalmed each listening mind. LTAItKVlSATllKll 6th street, south of that blank space in his cranium to our stances which lead to any very notable discovery are of service in tracing the by those in the secret, is sure to detect the prevailing character of the individual from the external swellings or tdvantitge. The voice of Humour had rung in vaiu, ij rallrouil truck. IJUKUOYNH, WM 1 nil Irond track. wtiHt nidu Gtli Btruut, on filiation of ideas, wo may further re liig Joe expresses his determination KMINIiTON, II.

M. Oulce with Damuiant It Blioll, west end ot Lincoln Avenue. mark that it was after a careful perusal of certain phrenological works, and the very satisfactory illustrations of that to pursue violators of the city ordinances to the utmost extent, come what vide accurate models of skulls with the required organs properly displayed, for the purpose of having caps made of all sizes to suit the growth of the infant cranium. It strikes us very forcibly that a certain way of procuring models would be to have them made, from the craniums of existing talent, where talent is wanted, or from the head pieces of patriot Ilry (ilooilH, Ar. AUU1JKT, Red Slure, (Jrubs' block, Lincoln Ave.

may. almost prophetic art, our supper this or. norlh aide Lin- A typographical error which a young JKSliM, the Square Di-ulcl i coin I'Vishiiiun's old evening consisted or a dozen raw oysters (viry large ones), and about two taiul lady writer complained of When jjoaliu, I'. Htreuter'i pints by estimation of fresh milk. talked of the "dew drops from softly- As all the organs of thought and vo lAHTKIt, W.

Mudgo block, Sth St. old stand, Lincoln Lincoln Avenue, lid Avenue. blown the nasty things made it read, "from softly-blown noses." ino echo una left a charm nenina. Hut Truth's pure note ever whispering clear, Wand'rlng in air fresh sweetness caught; Then ull unnoticed it touched the ear And filled with music the cells of thought, STH AT HIOUUIITS. As it is the chief concern of wise men to retrench the evils of life by the reasonings of philosophy, it is the employment of fools to multiply them by the sentiments of superstition.

If laws had been promulgated to recompense good actions as they have been established to punish crimes, the number of the virtuous would surely have been more increased by the attraction of promised benefit than the number of the wicked is diminished by the rigor of punishment with which they ism and incorruptible integrity if any such should be found to exist in the country. south sldi IJOKTHIt, .1. orner of 51 li door In lition are as distinctly laid down in the cranial map of Peabody as the position of Horn Pond in the State of Massachu-seUs, and as we have already demon bumps upon his skull. This is the system of the renowned discoverer Prof. Peabody, and of his illustrators and followers.

And any one who takes the trouble to examine it by the test of find that this hypothesis of human action is admirably calculated for the subsequent improvement of our species. Onr chief objection to it is, "that it does not go far enough, and that in the thirty-three great divisions in the map of osseous covering of the centre of nervous energy, room has not been found for thirty-three divisions more. For instance we know that there are dull, and very stupid, and even insane people in the world yet there is no organ of stupidity or bump of dullness, no rise or depression to designate the sane from the insane the crack-brained theorist from Another man is to us as wo view him AVY ALLEN, north side Lincoln Avo In our speculations on this subject thus green spectacles tinge every object sldu public we at last thought that, removing tiie RUIINLH, brick store, siiuiiro. with their own hue, and at night the strated the practicability of compress integuments from the outside of the brightest flower is dark. Kliu 1'.

1., Karniiirs' Htore, north-went cur- ing the cranial bones at an early age nur iimic Hijimrc cranial covering, or scalping our talented countrymen for the purpose of ma AN. .1. HONS, Kouth of Lincoln C. C. Coleman, F.

15. Dawes and JJ. into any conceivable form, nothing more is required to give a new and def A. Starr are candidates for the ollice of king casts from the bones of their heads inite direction to the thoughts and feel Justice of the 1'eaco of Clay Center would be sufficient; but as anatomists ings of the next generation, than to lJortur old ulaim. Itrtitf NLorcN.

ITNION D1UK1 STdHB. O. Holzyiuig prouriu- tor, Houth Hide Lincoln Ave. CIlTY DltlJU HTOIiH, Hluirpe A (Jo. proprietors, mj, hi mill nld(; Lincoln Avo.

A (JKOUTKlt, Lincoln opponitu township. J. A. D. Frazel! is a candi assert that skulls are not everywhere of date for re-election to the same office, and we also wish to be emmted in.

nniirtu. the cold investigator. Now that there If the person who took from our oflico, must in some skulls, at least, be tre. without leavo, a bundle containing a Ol'AULINd, oilhiu ut noiitb ot mentions bumps of folly and gullibility (gullibilitiveness we believe should be pair of wishes to prosper in this world and be happy in the next, the kJ raUt'otul. DUNA1ILK, H.

Lincoln Avu. otllco corner 5th uttd the word) the writings of Peabody af bundle will be put back in the exact lllllllSt. spot from which it was taken. ford abundant proof. Another very profound theory of human action and II.

UN. l)n. R. II. olllce and residence on are menaced.

Aim at perfection in every thing, though in most things it is unattainable. However, those who aim at it and per- severe will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable. Scandal once brought into active operation is almost incurable. It is a practice against which every man of mind should set his face determinedly, for is no greater cause of conjugal neglect and domestic bitterness than gossiping. A kind refusal is sometimes as gratifying as a bestowal.

He who can alleviate the pain of an ungracious act is unpardonable unless he do so. JN1 Lincoln Avenue, between lith and 7th. Our friend Walton, the Dispaichmnn human motive, is the intimate connec l-'liriillnrc. JIIILLII', west side of public square gave us a good send-off in last week's issue. Thanks.

Hut we are thinking tion which has been found to subsist between the stomach and the brain, so well known to medical men from the mould the infant head to a given form by the simple application of an unyielding metal head dress, formed so as only to permit the development of the re-' quired organs. These metal caps might be moulded from the heads of those whose ruling passions were not most strongly marked, and continuing them them of the same form, they might be made of increasing sizes so as to suit every shade of growth from puling infancy to (lie full grown man. If the elevation of the skull, at a certain part, be occasioned by the development of a particular organ situated under it, there can be nothing more easy in nature or in the brass and iron manufacturers than to furnish metal caps, which by repressing the growth of the injurious, and encouraging the expansion of the good, it would inevitably make all the future generations of Americans to think and act alike for the common welfare. Thus, for instance, allow not the organ of destniet- tilrfX'rli'N. that at ler li gets a little better acquainted he will not be so lavish in his intolerable headaches which arise from repletion and indigestion.

The facts praises of our good qualities. We rather take a liking to him, however. Liucolu avenue. IONKS, W. Fifth one door north of 1'.

.1 llauk. TACKMAN ROI1INSON, People's Urocery, .1 south side of Lincoln Ave. SMITH. J. west side public square, 5 doors from Lincoln avenue.

that have come under our notice have the same thickness there may exist bumps and depressions on which the talents depend, only to bo discovered by an internal examination of the shell after the removal of tho kernal. It is not too much to expect, therefore, that the possessors of those craniums which have made a noise in the world, or which have been tho cause of tho celebrity of their proprietors may leave them as a legacy to their admiring countrymen but it would be far more patriotic, certainly, were they now to give them up to the modeller before old age evaporates the cranial contents, or an additional deposit of osseeus matter fills up some of the cavities on which eminence depends. John Anderson my Joe John, for instance, the great statesman of the West, and who is so proverbially attached to the welfare of his district would, we are certain, have no objections to have his body shortened a few inches to promote so much good and thus be tho matrix of a hundred Joe Johns; and we feel quite confident that none of our celebrated and novelist, and we have a good many, would hesitate for one moment to sacrifice their heads to the future and certain improvement of their native land, and provided we were wise enough to keep the models in our own hands, an era in long impressed us with the belief that there is more mind in the stomach than (drain llf.iili.rN. more people are aware of. There is no saying what effect even diet may have 1 UTT.

O. V. cuutrul elevator, 5th street, south lj of railroad 1 A MM AST Jfc MNKLL. warehouse on track.west CWo arc ho tony, Mo and my pony. enu Lincoln avenue on the production of genius.

And it would be premature, in the present state of our knowledge on this point, to offer JOHN, elevator on 4th street Tress of matter on our columns prevents us from paying our addresses to the proprietor of the Little JIakltet for his complimentary notices last week. Our artist is la boring day and night and will complete in time for our next issue a portrait true to life, lie finds him a knotty subject, especially his feet. Democrat. It is belter far, and likewise more healthy, to have a knot on the foot than on the neck, where the Democrat man will have it if ho keeps on his present route. HKJINHOTIIAM, between Line iln avenue and railroad.

any conjectures as to the share which lliinii'NN ami Ktilll.H. DINCICNT A wholesale and rota side public square. breakfast, dinner, and supper may have had in the elicitation of works ivencss and cnmuafirenens to expand their 1 UMI'HltUY, J. east side Sth street, south of hitherto attributed to the head alone. Liucolu Ave.

Without entering into the merits of bony covering, and war and ruin will be banished from the land. When the means of subsistence become too scanty for the existing population, let the or these rival hypotheses or the more prob IMIOK, U. north-west corner 5th St. aud I Lincoln uveuue. able one of Peabody that the prevailing gans amativeness and philoprogeni-tiveness have no room for display in ILOOI).

I It A 5th street, three doors north of Lincoln avenue. 4INOHNTA, west, side lith street, be- twenn Lincoln avenue and railroad. IoK.Id. the head dresses of the young, and the next generation will live and die in hopeless virginity and unreguarded cel habits of thought give a characteristic tone to the whole physiognomy, we may bo permitted to state that the production of genius is a much more philosophical subject of enquiry than the indication of it, or the'want of them in a person already formed, and where the JBLTH IIOUSK, I'. P.

Ilruese managet, Lincoln American literature might arrive far more splendid than the age that boasted of Homer, Smith and Robertson, or Ave. MVflif of Contlflrnre. We insist upon it Unit confidence is not restored. Our tailor, who used to trust us for a whole suit, now refuses to trust us for a pair of pants. A Chiincf fur a JMou of Smitll Ctipltiil.

We want a partner who can write leading articles in support of the veto policy, serve the paper, and do the shaking for the family when any of them have the ague. ibacy. The organ of approbation might make all the gentlemen in the public Lumber. that the worthy managers or our south of railroad city corperations were to lay their heads -i Il'l'Oitl), C. Fifth St.

I track. ApHlCAOO LtlMIIHIt COMP ANY, T. Fullerton utmost that can be expected from the knowledge is, some minute regulations for checking or improving what can JlillN, only be checked or improved to a very QUAKlCIt CITY MILLS, U. It, Uarnes, 5th and riiitroitd track. I LAY CKNTKIt WATIOR roWKH MILLS, A.

together and resolve to deny civil privileges to every one who should not choose to have their children's heads cramped into three improved models. We have little doubt that the native enterprise of our countrymen guided by such craniums would soon acquire the government of the world and lay the 1'. Dexter Moll til -till street The in Doubt. It is useless to speculate as to who the candidate for the second place on the ftlillliiery hihI Drew Mtiklnir. AIIAMH, MRS, north side of Lincoln Ave national ticket will be.

as it is uncer- llortll side Lincoln Ave. tnin lm will rivnivn Mm rolin III ifrin pRTIiltS, MItS. II. limited extent. These indications then of tho hitherto barren theory of Prof.

Peabody we now propose to turn to some practical account. It is a well known fact that the human cranium may be moulded in early infancy into any conceivable shape, from the elastic nature of the bones of which it is formed, livery medical practitioner from Hippocrates and Cel-cusdowu to Dr. Ellrick, the celebrated offices, now so handsomely paid for their trouble, think themselves fully requited for their services by a vote of thanks, were this organ to be exclusively encouraged in the children of the present incumbent. A strict attention to the organ of righteousness might sweep away at once all the expensive establishments of courts, judges, and lawyers and were other nations not to adopt the grunt discovery now promulgated, and it were necessary to have a standing army kept up one or two hundred thousand children, with steel caps which should allow only the organs of combativeiiess and destructiveness to enlarge in their infant craniuuis, would place the country in perfect safety from the danger of foreign invasion, while a due proportion of the organ of determinativeness in our farmers and mechanics might make our subjugation a nomination for the litst place at Chicago next June. It is probable, however, MILLIill.

MItS. Miller's Illock, Lincoln uveuue. IMiytlclauN. li rlOll. Homeopathic Physician, office anil resilience, corner 4th and Illiiut sts.

1 (MIAN, M. U. Olllce at the Union Drug 1 Store. corn doctor, is aware of this fact, and foundation of an empire of greater extent and of indefinitely more power, than any that has yet existed. It is impossible for ono mind to receive all the objections which may be made by the ignorant or those who are so wedded to old notions as to consider no innovations as improvements.

As in every great revulsion of public opinion or change of public sentiment, certain classes are sure to suffer, the opposition to the measure from those interested in the existence of crime of those who derive their chief support from the commission of vice, might be SLOAN KULI.OOtl, shoi over Schillz lire blacksmith shop. it is equally woll ascertained that sever nl tribes of savages take their distinctive mark from the form of the skull. It is fashionable among one tribe for that if lilaine or Sherman is nominated for President a strong effort will be made to nominate an Indiana man lor Vice-president. Indiana is a doubtful state, and the chances will be in her favor for the hccoiuI choice. The leading candidate for Vice-president from that state will be Hen Harrison.

If he should decline, then Secretary Thompson. Both of these men are prominent lawyers, and either would add to the strength of the republican party in Indiana. In case Grant should be nomi WM. 4th street, opp ItHYMANN 11 stone barn I. My name It is O.

M. Pugh, 1 have nothing whatever to do. Am an aristocrat, Edit the Democrat, And drive tny little Jehu. II. I ride a one horse ft) shay.

And whoop 'em up ail the day, We are so tony, Me aud my pony, Just hear us slug, shout au (b)ray. III. I carry umbraell, Rend the proof for little Nell Who writeB up the boys, Their sorrows aud joys. And otherwise raises much 1 IV. Now.

friends, wo hid yon good day, As we've nothing more to say; Away we must fly, Might dowu to the Good morning; ta-ta, ta-tayt 25 per cent DlMcounf. Changing the program of my business I have resolved to sell my large stock of Hats, Caps, Boots, Shoes, Gents' Furnishing Goods of all kinds, Gloves of all grades, all the cheaper class of Woolen Goods, Trunks, Valises and Clothing at 25 per cent discount. These goods were bought when at their lowest, consequently are worth more than I am aBking for them, but would rather have the money than the goods. Save your money and tfuy of me. Ni FArtcmW.

Itciil F.Ntiite mill I. mm AffimtN. UTIIItAlll'F PINKICItToN, west side Mil It matter of absolute impossibility. street, south of Lincoln Ave. instance to wear their brain in a case shaped like a sugar-loaf, while others prefer to have their terminating proini-nauce moulded in imitation of the cocoa nut.

And we have little doubt, when BATTY A 1IANNA, south side Lincoln il door west of 5th St. In short, the thirty-three divisions into which the skull is arranged, and IV I nated New Vork will come in for second 1M bd door west of 5th St choice. Wnifon KiiopM, overcome by granting them annuities even to the amount of their annual profits. If this should be thought to fall too heavily on national income, the measure might be partially delayed till the present call of office holders were lOHKOAU, Grant 4th door mist of the thirty-three propensities corresponding to these divisions, may be so moditied by adopting metal cases for the covering of the heads of the young, so as to produce any quautity of talent required. Congress has only to pass an act, ordering a sufficient number of these skull moulds to be made, of variotiB si-ze, fur the use ot every township, and the interior of the Africa's continent is better known, the natives will be found with their omniums compressed into forms still more unaccountable.

The mere mention of these undoubted facts, when coupled with the knowl. edge of the functions of brain derived from the writings of Prof. Peabody, must awaken in the minds of philosophic observers, ideas of the ywfeoli- jv cm st. SCIIILTZ 5th street near railroad. Also Agricultural Iiiiplemuuts.

I.lvry. lp.MMIUHS, liNOC'Il, Red lla.ru, LJucqlu, Avo, XiquorN. OIUJUKH, A. west side of public square. Beans are an article of diet madu use of by speculative Yankees.

Soup is made of beans, It Is said "Pom" made use of beans i we presume on account of their hydrau(w)lie pressure. Further comment is unnecessary beans speak for themselves. out. To conclude (for we do not write to exhaust the subject), it may be mentioned as an additional argument for the introduction of metal cay) ot wind i A..